What do I really want 'more' of in my life?

 
Linking up with Women Living Well and Holley Gerth. She asks: What do you really want more of in your life? Will you dare to say it out loud?
That's a good question. The word 'really' is what stops me. Because I 'want' to write more, to publish more, to share my writing more...that is one of my deepest dreams. But I can't say I REALLY want this more than other things.

I 'want' my husband and children to be happy, fulfilled, walking steadfastly in The Way of Jesus. I 'want' them to be doing this with good friends, special friends, lifelong friends...enough friends for every situation. I am thankful for what they have but I want 'more' for them.

I 'want' to share my faith more. With those who know Jesus and with those who don't. With my friends and my colleagues. With acquaintances.

I also 'want' more love, more joy, peace, more patience, more kindness, more goodness, more gentleness, more self-control...Not much, actually. Just one of those in that list is a big 'ask'.

I also 'want' more certainty, more reassurance, more clarity, more purpose, more direction, more knowledge, more understanding....

I 'want' more of a love for prayer, for deep communion with God and my fellows. I 'want' less laziness in my relationships.

I 'want' these things for myself: if I am honest, to make me feel good.

I also 'want' these things for others. In the belief that if I 'have' them, I will be a better, more useful, more giving person.

I want. I want. I want. A long list of unrequited 'wants' where 'more' is a distant land, too far to journey to. A mountain peak too high to climb. An ocean too deep to dive to the bottom of.

This is looking at things the wrong way round.

I need to ask myself what Jesus 'wants' for me.

He wants my love.

He wants me to love my neighbour.

So what I 'really' want is more of Him.

More of his goodness. For he went about doing good: "God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him." Acts 10:38

More of his love for others. "Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture...None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8:35, 37 - 39, The Message.

More of his servant heart."When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges." Philippians 2:7

More of his humility. "Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all....Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges." Philippians 2:5 - 6, 8
More of his self-sacrificing nature. He even gave his own life for me. "Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion." Philippians 2:8

Philippians 2:1-4 sums up what I 'really want more of in my life': "If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

And the last word? "Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ." Philippians 1:27.

That's what I REALLY want.