Intentional - not.

I stand, twisting pastry dough between my fingers. I have used leftover scraps, grated cheese, a rolling pin and a sharp knife to form strips. I twist them between my fingers to form unappetizing raw dough into beautiful spirals. I will bake them, in a hot oven. They will become delicious cheese twists.

I am reminded of who I am.

I am a cheese twist.

I have felt left over, left out, left friendless from the pain of rejection. My emotions and nerves have, at times, been grated raw, leaving me crumbled and small. I have felt crushed under the weight of circumstances, the heaviness of chronic illness, the pressure of life.  And I have been cut - oh, so many, many times. Left looking - and feeling - unappetizing.  Only to suffer the heat of the furnace.

God is the Master Chef.
He is the Potter, I am the Clay.
He is the Cook, I am the Ingredients.

I need to remember that it is He who moulds me, refines me, transforms me into beauty I cannot even imagine.
I am to humble myself even as Jesus did. Even to the Cross, to dying to myself.

Yet how do I hold this in tension with ideas of being intentional, as I have just read on a (wonderful, inspiring yet so out of reach) blog over at Intentional Today? The author is a successful writer, successful businesswoman, successful Christian, dispensing wise-beyond-her-years advice. Really USEFUL wisdom: how to navigate financial difficulties in marriage, how to protect your marriage, build up your spouse, deal with your past, follow your dreams...how to be INTENTIONAL.

As if I have any control over my life at all?

This is tension. As I follow Jesus, I let Him mould me, change me, use me. I submit with as much humility as I dare, as I can muster up courage to die to self, to give up my own agenda...

...and I INTENTIONALLY keep my eyes and heart open to the possibilities He brings me.

I am a perfect cheese twist in the making, designed to serve others.

There.

Inspired by pastry on the day Bonnie from Faith Barista invited me to her Faith Jam.