You're not in the driver's seat

"You're not in the driver's seat." is the sub-heading in The Message for Matthew 16, verses 24 - 28

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

Don’t be in such a hurry to go into business for yourself."

It is when I read words like this that I realise how far I am from really following Jesus. To live my life subject to him, letting him lead me in everything I do...

Now, to ask Jesus what to wear, or what to eat, is ridiculous: after all, he says, paraphrased in the old Catholic chorus we used to sing and which remains in my memory as a Rakwaro seminary song:
"Do not worry over what to eat,
what to wear or put upon your feet,
trust and pray go do your best today,
and leave it in the hands of the Lo..rd, leave it in the hands of the Lord."

(The melody remains in my head after more than 30 years!)

Instead, perhaps, it is more about using commonsense, training and past experience to inform the present and future, while listening for a sense in my spirit than I am journeying in the right direction: ' Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ' (Isaiah 30:21) B.eing aware of a nudge to keep me on the right track, a gentle touch of the hand to change my focus.

It takes practice. But the rewards will be great: look to the future:  "`Before you know it the Son of Man will arrive with all the splendor of his Father, accompanied by an army of angels. You’ll get everything you have coming to you, a personal gift. This isn’t pie in the sky by and by. Some of you standing here are going to see it take place, see the Son of Man in kingdom glory.”

And then, in the very next chapter, that is exactly what happens. The Transfiguration.
When the disciples heard God's voice, they response was to "fell flat on their faces, scared to death."

Then I remember Jesus has told the not to worry or be afraid:

"But Jesus came over and touched them. “Don’t be afraid.” When they opened their eyes and looked around all they saw was Jesus, only Jesus."

I want to open my eyes and look around and see Jesus, only Jesus.

No other way to live makes sense to me.

Who do you say that I am?

This morning's reading was Matthew 16. I quickly came across these verses, which were mentioned in the theology course we were following last night:
"When Jesus arrived in the villages of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?”
They replied, “Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.”

He pressed them, “And how about you? Who do you say I am?”
Simon Peter said, “You’re the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus came back, “God bless you, Simon, son of Jonah! You didn’t get that answer out of books or from teachers. My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I’m going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out."

I thought, of course, of the great list of I AM statements: the YOU ARE statements that it would be good for me to remember when I wake in the morning, when I wake up to God in the middle of the busy work day, when I wake up to quietness in the evening.

But then I noticed that Jesus tells Peter who HE is. And I had a sudden longing for Jesus to tell ME who I am, Who I really am.

(Actually, I know He HAS already. I am God's special treasure, bought with a price, known inside and out...I just need to remind myself..)