Reflections after New Wine

New Wine Guernsey just happened at the weekend: a weekend of remarkable teaching from Ian Coffey entitled Postcards from the Edge: finding God in difficult places, which looked at fear, loss, imprisonment, inadequacy and doubt in the lives of Paul, Ruth, Peter, Jeremiah and John the Baptist.

Thought-provoking and encouraging.

Ian's wife Ruth led a seminar on, more or less, spiritual discipline. Encouraging us to recognise who we are, where we are and how we are growing with God.

One of the people she mentioned was Paul Mallard, who has written a useful book entitled 'Staying Fresh'. A quick glance at the contents page and I am already encouraged:

1 When love turns cold
2 Knowing that we are loved
3 Rejoice in the Lord
4 Counting the cost
5 Fear God, not people
6 Take time to be holy
7 Take more time to be holy
8 Guard your marriage
9 Build godly relationships
10 Preach the gospel to your own heart
11 Use your diary as a spiritual tool
12 Remember you are human
13 Be a good steward of pain
14 Keep an eye on the prize

All kinds of wisdom there.

Disappointment

I've had quite a week - partly of my own making. A large part, I think. I've had - am having - the sort of week when I echo the psalmist, repeatedly, "...sin is always before me".

Or, as the Message puts it, "I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down."

Staring me down. Shaming me. Filling me with disappointment.

Because here's the thing, the dichotomy: I am a new creation in Christ, I am redeemed, I am bought with a price, I am loved, I am forgiven...and I am sinful. (No point in detailing exactly how - I'm trying not to wallow in the negatives.)

Justified but not yet sanctified.
Considered perfect and blameless - in God's sight, but not yet actually so.

And, as I read the Bible, and try to pray and follow Jesus' teachings and wisdom, I find myself ever falling short of the standard I aim for.

Perfection.

Not possible.

I need to remember that 'a miss is as good as a mile' - in other words, it doesn't matter how much I strive or how close to 'perfection' I get, I STILL DON'T MAKE IT.

Frustrated? Yes. Disappointed with myself? Definitely. Feel like a failure as a Christian? Tick. Have a sense of shame for 'letting God down'? Tick. Tick. Tick.

And as I pondered the relational mess I was in, partly from my own attitudes, partly from the accusations of others, I realised how ridiculous my thoughts and feelings were.

Frustrated - because I wasn't as good and perfect as I hoped to be. Ridiculous. "Jesus said, “Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God."

Disappointed? Well, what else do I expect? I am not even near perfect and to think otherwise is self-delusion.

Feeling like a failure? Of course, that is my natural state. All of us - including me -have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. "...we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us."

'Letting God down'?  Am I nuts? Was I ever holding him up? Does he need his reputation defending?
As the Christian rhyme artist, Propaganda, says, quoting Charles Spurgeon: "Trying to prove GOD exists is like defending a lion only He don't need the help. Just unlock the cage."

And so I recognise that I am hugely imperfect but I AM trying my best. And when the attack and difficulties come, I can step back and look more easily at what is happening without seeing it all through the lens of false guilt.

Freeing. Liberating. #gainedperspective

Because though 'my sin is always before me', Jesus has it covered, Literally and liberally, with his huge grace.

#calm #peace #Godlovesme  #Godlovesmyenemiestoo.