Purpose and encouragement

Recently, I have the lost the discipline of writing. Life has overwhelmed me, somewhat: enough to distract me. I've found myself wandering in circles: occasionally, actually physically doing so.

Overwhelmingness came from inside. Facing a major life decision: where to live, what to do...work could have been coming to an end (it's not, as far as I know), we could have been moving (we are, but not far...)....

It was hard. But now, as I drift towards an outcome - I can't say I have MADE a decision, but feel as if the way is beginning to come clearer - I seem to be finding new purpose. And I now realise that, in some ways, I had become lacklustre about the most important purpose of all.

Seeking the most precious Pearl.

Jesus talks about the kingdom of heaven as a pearl of immense worth: so valuable that a merchant gave up everything he had to buy it. (Matthew 13:45 - 46) We read a devotional by Chris Tiegreen every day, where he talks about this and Paul's assertion that Christ is everything and anything else we might gain which benefits us is just rubbish. Paul says (Philippians 3:8 - 9) "Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him."

I hadn't lost my focus on God - indeed, I sought God and His wisdom earnestly in prayer. But I had let the concern, even worry at times, about our decisions dominate my thinking and emotions. I had stopped searching for the most valuable thing, which was Jesus himself.

Being faithful to worship Jesus, to know him better, was the most important thing. More important than where I should live or what I should do.

I was helped to remember this in tiny, imperceptible ways. Ways in which there was such a subtle shift in my spiritual life that I could barely identify it. For a few months, beginning just after I had made a momentous decision about where I would live, I became part of a group which met to explore spirituality. We thoughts about how we could love God more and be better disciples, we practised different forms of evangelism and serving, but most of all we learned to worship in new and different ways. And as I worshipped, I found myself changing.

The decision I had made - to move - had not left me with peace. After making it, I wanted it to work, although I realised that I was always LOOKING for things which would confirm the decision. The new path promised adventure and excitement, uncertainty and the prospect of having to rely completely on God - but was it really where God wanted me to go? Were some of my motives selfish?

As Marilyn Gardner says in her blog Communicating Across Boundaries   "I think I may have been looking for the wrong things –my purpose, my calling, my sense of significance and belonging–surely Jesus’ tiny story taught me to search out the most important thing. I’m joining the jewel merchant.I’m looking for the Excellent Pearl, the Flawless One, the Pearl of Great Price. He is here and I know the hunt for Him will never disappoint."

I eventually realised that I needed to stay put. I had  become distracted from The Main Thing - knowing and worshipping Jesus. As Marilyn says: "I’ve felt my sense of self being swallowed again by the mundane, by the endless question of who I am and what am I doing here. I’ve wondered again at my purpose.

I know my life has meaning here. I firmly believe we are here on purpose. I just need to find it again.…I need to uncover it. Sometimes it seems to be more hidden for me than for others. And often it seems illusive. Just when I stop looking and settle into my routines I find it in between spiritual direction clients or under a pile of clean clothes. The moment, however, I go to grab it always seems to disappear."

 I needed to stay in my job, stay in the town I am living in, just stay. There was no clear call either way: sensing no sense of purpose in leaving, with no clear idea of what I would do if I moved...

...but then little joys started to come my way.

Relationships that had been a little difficult and tense were restored: difficulty and tension vanished overnight and they became a complete joy.

My job became more rewarding. I saw changes in the children I teach as they became more mature but also in the learning and knowledge they began to develop. I became ridiculously thrilled when I asked them to highlight boring connectives in their writing and an apprehensive little voice said: "I can't FIND any..."  I was delighted to deliver an almost perfect lesson for my yearly appraisal: something that had never happened before. I felt encouraged.

I began to appreciate my life here more. I realised that in my focus on moving, I had stopped opening my arms wide. I had pulled back on giving of myself.

My word(s) for this year to encourage myself are 'Be generous'. I am not a naturally generous person, except perhaps in befriending others, which I had neglected. I needed to learn more and more to open myself up and be generous with my life - with what God had so generously given me.

So, near the end of the first month of the year, I look back and am thankful for renewed energy, renewed direction, a renewed sense of purpose...as I keep my eyes on Jesus: "...who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" Hebrews 12:2, The Message

Passion. Belonging. Purpose.

Still thinking of Joseph - what an inspiration his life and obedience was: as Jennie Allen (Day 12 of 'Restless') says:
"We all are longing to live for something bigger than ourselves. As believers in Jesus with need all around us, we get to. We look past the normal of mundane jobs and boring places and see the need in them, and passions start to wake up. God built us to take the material around us and invest it into our nearest need. It's how we've been wired: we are most fulfilled when we are meeting needs.
And yet, this week, I had a conversation with someone who, before going on an overseas missionary assignment, said: "I said to someone there was nothing for us to do here. It sounds ridiculous now, as of course there IS so much to do, but I think it was God loosening our roots to help us go."

How I feel. One way or another, I am praying that my heart is stirred with purpose for others' needs - and perhaps I need only open my eyes wider, or turn in a different direction to see needs I have not noticed before.

"God built us to love different things so we could meet different needs. It's beautiful that your heart doesn't beat fast about the same things my heart beats over...Beautiful is the body of Christ poured out into every crevice of this world, every city, every office, every home. It's the unselfish passions of people displaying the love of their God in a million unique ways.

...in a direction that blesses people and shows God. That direction is usually determined by the things that cause you to beat the table, or lay in bed awake, or speak with exclamation marks.

 Our passions determine our direction.... Where does my heart bleed for the need I see around me ?

She talks of William Wilberforce, whose passion was to right the injustice of the slave trade and who gave his life to this cause. "But at some point William's passions turned into a calling. When that happens, the cost becomes irrelevant.

Every one of us who knows Christ has a calling for our lives. William Wilberforce and Joseph aren't especially epic, they just gave their lives to the problem of their generations. We could do that too. The problem is we don't naturally have passion for others. We are naturally danged selfish.

But when we were bought by Christ, we exchanged our heart full of self-seeking passions for things on this earth for God's heart. And now we share his passions. Our hearts are new, and now what was cold and hard is soft and full of compassion, led and moved by his Spirit.

It is a privilege to use our passions to participate in the work of God. What is holding you back?

What needs have I experienced or observed that have moved me?
How could I use my passions for God's glory?

This CAN happen, because God has promised: "I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands." (Ezekiel 36:25 - 27)

What Drives Your Life? Day 3 of 'What on earth am I here for?'

I'm enjoying the various Bible translations which Rick Warren uses. Often, I have to go back to a more familiar version - usually the NIV - to 'translate' the verse in my head. The freshness of new interpretations keeps me on my toes.
That's good.

This chapter has yielded a few nuggets.
'Everyone's life is driven by something. ..Whether you are driving a car, a nail, or a golf ball, you are guiding, controlling and directing it at that moment....
Many people are driven by guilt. They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame. Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future.
We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. God's purpose is not limited by your past.
Many people are driven by resentment and anger. To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do. Job 5:2
Many people are driven by fear. ...but 'Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life - fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love. 1 John 4:18
Many people are driven by materialism. Self-worth and net worth are not the same. your value is not determined by your valuables, and God says the most valuable things in life are not things"
Real security can only be found in that which can never be taken from you - your relationship with God.
...many people are driven by the need for approval. ...those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it...Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life.
...a purpose-driven life (is) a life guided, controlled, and directed by God's purposes Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction, and events without reason. Without a purpose, life is trivial, petty, and pointless.
Without God, life has not purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope...
Purpose-driven living leads to a simpler lifestyle and a saner schedule.
Purpose always produces passion.'

Catching up on reading - part 1.

Being laid up for the last couple of days with what my mother would have called 'a feverish cold' - I refuse to call it 'flu - has at least given me the opportunity to catch up on some reading.  No TV in this house, the radio - even Radio 4 - tiresome at times: that left the Kindle. And a book.
The first book I read has been sitting by my bed for a couple of months. A Spacious Place by Alie Stibbe aims to help "Christian women take stock of the past; re-evaluate the present and look ahead to the future as they face the second half of life and all the challenges and opportunities it will hold."
I was a bit scared to read it.
The second half of life - which, for me, almost means Life After Retirement which is looming within the next few years - seemed, in my mind, to be peopled with Old Grey-Haired women. Yes, I know it sounds ageist, but only in relation to myself. I'm not yet old enough, wise enough or mature enough to fit the category. I'll certainly be old enough one day, but wise or mature enough? I doubt it.
Alie dispelled THAT idea in the first few paragraphs. Immediately, retirement notwithstanding - and she is further away than I am - I gained a sense of excitement. The second half of life is "a time when there is more room for all the things that were put on hold for child-rearing, when some of them, at least, can be rediscovered and begin to develop into their full potential, and a time to think about taking up something completely new."
I read it all in one go. I loved Alie's honesty as she shared her experiences while encouraging me to 'look the past in the eye.' I loved the second chapter: title, Laughing at the days to come. A 'word' my husband gave me when we barely knew each other. (He didn't know me very well. I do love to laugh - often at the most inappropriate moments - but I also have Doom and Gloom capability with the best of them.)
The third chapter dealt with 'Anxious thoughts and offensive ways' and the fourth 'The panini generation'...(you've heard of the Sandwich Generation: women whose lives are sandwiched between 'so-called' grown-up children and caring for ageing parents? Sandwich is too mild a term apparently - not just squashed, but toasted as well. Finally, chapters on work and encouragement that 'the second half of life will afford you the opportunity to be all that God intended you to be.' Fullness of life indeed.
I could go on: but if I did, I would probably just have to quote large chunks of this book: small, just over a hundred pages long, but absolutely packed with wisdom and inspiration. I have begun to reread it slowly, prayerfully, carefully. It will form the core of a morning away which I am organising with a group of friends. Because yes, it's aimed at a particular group of women. But I think that anyone will gain insight and encouragement to take stock and move on, wherever they might be. Grey-haired or not. (I'm hoping she will write the Book of Retirement soon, too. Everyone tells me how wonderful retirement is but I don't believe them. Yet.)
A Spacious Place: what a gem.

Living bountifully...blessed

It's encouraging how much God wants to bless us: right in the beginning, man and woman were told to prosper and reproduce (Genesis 1:25-27). Noah was blessed in the same way after the flood. (Genesis 9:1-3) Abraham was to be blessed with children, whose descendants would be so bountiful that they could not be numbered. (Genesis 22:14-16)

God has said he will bless his people.

Yet with blessing comes responsibility.

We are responsible for what we are blessed with. Responsible to use blessings wisely, to be thankful, to be generous, to be unselfish.
Responsible to train others in God's ways. (Genesis 18:16-18 )

So we can't just sit back and say 'thank you very much, very grateful' to God for his blessings. We are to use them, putting God's love into action. Saying 'Bless you' is a call to step further into God's goodness, to learn more about his character and his purposes.

A call to growth.

I'm linking to Holley's series on 'In God's heart I am...'.....blessed.

The islands

I was rather intrigued by the talk on the opening evening of New Wine, by John Coles, who oversees the work of New Wine worldwide.

He talked about Martin Luther King's dream, focusing in on God's dream: how, starting with Abraham, God dreams of reaching all the nations through Jesus and his followers.

I scribbled the references down hastily, then looked them up later.

Isaiah 60, which begins with a wonderful prophecy: Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. but then goes on, as do many references in Isaiah, to say: Surely the islands look to me. How I wish this to be true for Guernsey and its islands - to be full of the presence of God, focused on him and on living out His kingdom here on earth.

Psalm 86 - verse 11 stood out:
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,that I may fear your name.

Then, Matthew 24 verse 45 reminds me to be ready for the Lord's return: and I take this also to be ready to see what God is doing here and now, as His kingdom breaks through. Having the attitude of seeing my world through Jesus' eyes, finding meaning in the day to day minutiae of life.

Lastly, Revelation 5 verse 9 reminds us that Jesus is worthy because he has purchased us from destruction with his blood.

I don't know what the speaker was intending with these chapters: possibly a different meaning from the one I picked out. Yet, from this, I can take:

A heart for Guernsey and its people,to know Jesus.
An undivided, single-hearted heart and strength of purpose.
A devoted heart, seeing God's purposes in my world.
A humble heart, to accept Jesus' sacrifice with no sense of pride or worthiness.