Love in a time of uncertainty

Bible verses, encouraging blog posts and sermons have been swirling around in my heart and head for many months now. So many, that it has been hard to focus. I have retweeted helpful quotes where I can - a safe place to store them, as I look back at my own Twitter page - and have saved encouraging Instagram posts for future reference. 

In reality, my emotional life has been too chaotic to really concentrate, but today, a blog post echoed both the sermon and a New Wine talk (from United Breaks Out, by Nicola Neal), and so I am compelled to record what God is saying.

So www.incourage.me puts it all beautifully:

"“In this world you will have trouble,” Jesus said.

And all the sisters and saints said amen. The reality of the world’s brokenness has been evident since the world began. It was true when Jesus walked the dusty earth with His disciples, and it’s true as true can be in 2020.

But Jesus didn’t stop there. Trouble is our reality, but so is victory. “Take heart!” Jesus said. “I have overcome the world.”

When Jesus died on the cross, He proclaimed, “It is finished.” His death and resurrection laid death in its grave. Because of His love, grace, and our adoption as His children, we are given the ultimate gift of eternal life with Him forever. His triumph is our victory too. These truths are fundamental and foundational to our faith, but often, we find ourselves missing out on the victory in the struggle and mundaneness of our ordinary days.

Daily circumstances lead us to wonder things like, How do live with exceptional joy when we face such difficult circumstances? How do we practically live out God’s love and share it with others when our hearts are breaking, our country is shaking, and when we’ve lost jobs or health or hope? How do we look beyond today to live with a perspective of eternity and take heart right where we are?

We look to Jesus. We keep our eyes locked on Him. We remember what He has already done and what He will yet do!

Putting on love over all means remembering that Jesus has not only overcome death but He also daily fights our battles with us. In the middle of the hurt, He invites us to take heart, come near to Him, and hold tight to His promises. He invites us to be messengers of His love and victory just by showing up and loving others."

There has been much to encourage. I look to Jesus. I remind myself of Hebrews 12:1 - 3 "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I find, saved in my drafts folder, this message from Richard Rohr: 

"A Message from Richard Rohr about COVID-19  Love Alone Overcomes Fear
March 19, 2020

It is shocking to think how much the world has changed in such a brief time. Each of us has had our lives and communities disrupted. Of course, I am here in this with you. I feel that I’m in no position to tell you how to feel or how to think, but there are a few things that come to mind I will share.

A few days ago I was encouraged by the Franciscans and by the leadership team here at the CAC to self-quarantine, so I’ve been here in my little hermitage now for three or four days. I’ve had years of practice, literally, how to do what we are calling “social distancing.” I have a nice, large yard behind me where there are four huge, beautiful cottonwood trees, and so I walk my dog Opie every few hours.

Right now I’m trying to take in psychologically, spiritually, and personally, what is God trying to say? When I use that phrase, I’m not saying that God causes suffering to teach us good things. But God does use everything, and if God wanted us to experience global solidarity, I can’t think of a better way. We all have access to this suffering, and it bypasses race, gender, religion, and nation.

We are in the midst of a highly teachable moment. There’s no doubt that this period will be referred to for the rest of our lifetimes. We have a chance to go deep, and to go broad. Globally, we’re in this together. Depth is being forced on us by great suffering, which as I like to say, always leads to great love.

But for God to reach us, we have to allow suffering to wound us. Now is no time for an academic solidarity with the world. Real solidarity needs to be felt and suffered. That’s the real meaning of the word “suffer” – to allow someone else’s pain to influence us in a real way. We need to move beyond our own personal feelings and take in the whole. This, I must say, is one of the gifts of television: we can turn it on and see how people in countries other than our own are hurting. What is going to happen to those living in isolated places or for those who don’t have health care? Imagine the fragility of the most marginalized, of people in prisons, the homeless, or even the people performing necessary services, such as ambulance drivers, nurses, and doctors, risking their lives to keep society together? Our feelings of urgency and devastation are not exaggeration: they are responding to the real human situation. We’re not pushing the panic button; we are the panic button. And we have to allow these feelings, and invite God’s presence to hold and sustain us in a time of collective prayer and lament.

I hope this experience will force our attention outwards to the suffering of the most vulnerable. Love always means going beyond yourself to otherness. It takes two. There has to be the lover and the beloved. We must be stretched to an encounter with otherness, and only then do we know it’s love. This is what we call the subject-subject relationship. Love alone overcomes fear and is the true foundation that lasts (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Love underpins it all. Love is Jesus. Withouth him, life is uncertain, chaotic and difficult. With him, life still threatens to be uncertain, chaotic and difficult, the trouble in this world, BUT JESUS HAS OVERCOME.

Remember.

Purpose and encouragement

Recently, I have the lost the discipline of writing. Life has overwhelmed me, somewhat: enough to distract me. I've found myself wandering in circles: occasionally, actually physically doing so.

Overwhelmingness came from inside. Facing a major life decision: where to live, what to do...work could have been coming to an end (it's not, as far as I know), we could have been moving (we are, but not far...)....

It was hard. But now, as I drift towards an outcome - I can't say I have MADE a decision, but feel as if the way is beginning to come clearer - I seem to be finding new purpose. And I now realise that, in some ways, I had become lacklustre about the most important purpose of all.

Seeking the most precious Pearl.

Jesus talks about the kingdom of heaven as a pearl of immense worth: so valuable that a merchant gave up everything he had to buy it. (Matthew 13:45 - 46) We read a devotional by Chris Tiegreen every day, where he talks about this and Paul's assertion that Christ is everything and anything else we might gain which benefits us is just rubbish. Paul says (Philippians 3:8 - 9) "Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him."

I hadn't lost my focus on God - indeed, I sought God and His wisdom earnestly in prayer. But I had let the concern, even worry at times, about our decisions dominate my thinking and emotions. I had stopped searching for the most valuable thing, which was Jesus himself.

Being faithful to worship Jesus, to know him better, was the most important thing. More important than where I should live or what I should do.

I was helped to remember this in tiny, imperceptible ways. Ways in which there was such a subtle shift in my spiritual life that I could barely identify it. For a few months, beginning just after I had made a momentous decision about where I would live, I became part of a group which met to explore spirituality. We thoughts about how we could love God more and be better disciples, we practised different forms of evangelism and serving, but most of all we learned to worship in new and different ways. And as I worshipped, I found myself changing.

The decision I had made - to move - had not left me with peace. After making it, I wanted it to work, although I realised that I was always LOOKING for things which would confirm the decision. The new path promised adventure and excitement, uncertainty and the prospect of having to rely completely on God - but was it really where God wanted me to go? Were some of my motives selfish?

As Marilyn Gardner says in her blog Communicating Across Boundaries   "I think I may have been looking for the wrong things –my purpose, my calling, my sense of significance and belonging–surely Jesus’ tiny story taught me to search out the most important thing. I’m joining the jewel merchant.I’m looking for the Excellent Pearl, the Flawless One, the Pearl of Great Price. He is here and I know the hunt for Him will never disappoint."

I eventually realised that I needed to stay put. I had  become distracted from The Main Thing - knowing and worshipping Jesus. As Marilyn says: "I’ve felt my sense of self being swallowed again by the mundane, by the endless question of who I am and what am I doing here. I’ve wondered again at my purpose.

I know my life has meaning here. I firmly believe we are here on purpose. I just need to find it again.…I need to uncover it. Sometimes it seems to be more hidden for me than for others. And often it seems illusive. Just when I stop looking and settle into my routines I find it in between spiritual direction clients or under a pile of clean clothes. The moment, however, I go to grab it always seems to disappear."

 I needed to stay in my job, stay in the town I am living in, just stay. There was no clear call either way: sensing no sense of purpose in leaving, with no clear idea of what I would do if I moved...

...but then little joys started to come my way.

Relationships that had been a little difficult and tense were restored: difficulty and tension vanished overnight and they became a complete joy.

My job became more rewarding. I saw changes in the children I teach as they became more mature but also in the learning and knowledge they began to develop. I became ridiculously thrilled when I asked them to highlight boring connectives in their writing and an apprehensive little voice said: "I can't FIND any..."  I was delighted to deliver an almost perfect lesson for my yearly appraisal: something that had never happened before. I felt encouraged.

I began to appreciate my life here more. I realised that in my focus on moving, I had stopped opening my arms wide. I had pulled back on giving of myself.

My word(s) for this year to encourage myself are 'Be generous'. I am not a naturally generous person, except perhaps in befriending others, which I had neglected. I needed to learn more and more to open myself up and be generous with my life - with what God had so generously given me.

So, near the end of the first month of the year, I look back and am thankful for renewed energy, renewed direction, a renewed sense of purpose...as I keep my eyes on Jesus: "...who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" Hebrews 12:2, The Message

Running the race

Good Morning Girls post today is all about running: I've adapted the thoughts:

1. It’s hard work- I’ll be honest, there were days I wanted to quit, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

2. I have to be intentional.  Running doesn’t just “happen”, nor does getting to know Jesus better.

3. It’s painful. The Word shows me parts of myself I didn't know I had and they ain't always pretty.

4. There are no short cuts- NONE. You have to put in the hard work.

5. It takes time. Time when, if I'm honest, I'd rather be reading a novel, or indulging in a hot bath, or... you get the laziness picture.

6. Having a goal to focus on is important. Perhaps a chapter to read, some verses to memorise, a bible study to attend or a morning set aside...

7. What I wear matters - I can’t run effectively wearing heavy clothes or carrying baggage…it just slows me down. I need to 'throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.'

8. Make sure I stay hydrated - with the Living Water. I can’t run my best race when my body is depleted.

9. It’s more fun to run with friends. We are made for community.

10. It’s important to have a training buddy - I know I would have quit if I didn’t have the accountability of my running buddy.

And so: Hebrews 12:1-3(NIV)
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Advent. Humility.

I turn my eyes to You
in the quiet dark of the morning.
You bring me peace.

I look back 2000 years
to the noise of your arrival.
You make me wonder:

I hear the sound of animals,
while cosmic explosions
announce your coming.

I am stunned.
You, the Prince of Heaven
show me such humility.

The inferiority of your birth,
a life lived focused
on your purpose.

A death at the hands
of evil men, your
rights surrendered.

I turn my eyes to You
who gave me life
by giving up Your own.

A different route...?

Bonnie from Faith Barista is blogging at incourage about a different route. Just as the wise men, still journeying on, had to go a different way, so we are called to go on a different route sometimes.
So, what is the different route God is calling me to take? Well, it's NOT a DIFFERENT route. It is just a route I don't take very often or journey down very well.  I crawl laboriously forward, often slipping off the side of the road into the mud of resentment or the ditch of bitterness.
It is the route of FORGIVENESS.
I know I need to forgive the person who has hurt me who is ALWAYS right, never wrong. The person who wounded me out of mental illness, demanding actions and attitudes which could not be met.
I know Jesus whispers to me of how he had to do this, too. To forgive, when no wrong has been acknowledged let alone forgiveness asked. To forgive, not expecting any reward or return. To forgive unconditionally.
The route of forgiveness is one I need to walk over and and over again. I need to pick up my pace, walking more surefootedly than I have done before. I need to keep on going, keeping in mind my destination of holiness rather than looking at the uneven ground of snide remarks, unkind comments or downright rudeness. I need to gaze towards my goal and not look at the barriers of rejection or hurt or anger.
I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, THE author and perfecter of MY faith.

And I need to listen to and hear God encouraging me — in that quiet voice — to take the next step to my heart’s homecoming.

Am I trying to win the approval of men–or of God?

It’s January – and in the post-Christmas melee of an end to festivities, departure of my children back to their grown-up, independent, far from home lives and start of a new term, so back to work – I am struggling a little. So ‘little’ things become ‘bigger’ than they would do normally. In particular, a strained relationship. A once-close friend now seems distant – she has enthusiasms, so perhaps her enthusiasm for me has waned. Or perhaps I’ve done something to unwittingly offend her. Or perhaps it’s just that she’s going through the menopause. Or perhaps I’m just imagining it, and busyness is the reason that my overtures of friendship are being declined. I know I should perhaps clear the air, but then fear that, if there is nothing the matter, I will have made Everest out of a pimple, which will then cause more problems…(my friend has other strained and difficult relationships, so I don’t want to put myself straight into that category with an untimely word). So I wait. And pray.
And then I thought of this verse from Galatians 1:10:Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. This is in the context of Paul speaking out the truth of the Gospel, but it got me thinking. Who am I trying to please?
In grieving over this strained relationship, I realised my energies were going into pleasing myself. It doesn’t feel comfortable – I just want to be back on easy terms again. Instead, to please God, I need to do several things.
1. I need to love my friend. I need to keep on reaching out in support and friendship ‘as if’ nothing was wrong.
2. I need to confess any hurt I feel, bringing it to God. I am guilty of thinking more of myself and my feelings than of her.
3. I need to focus on doing what pleases God. If it is to speak truth, then I am to speak truth. If it is to do something good, then I must do that. I need to fix my eyes, not on the strained relationship, but on Jesus.
So I pray for patience, perseverance, courage and above all love. For love covers over a multitude of sins. Especially mine.

The joy set before us

Still thinking about joy this morning. This is one of my all time favourite Bible quotes from Hebrews 12:2-3: Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

As The Message puts it:

Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honour, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Joy!