Love in a time of uncertainty

Bible verses, encouraging blog posts and sermons have been swirling around in my heart and head for many months now. So many, that it has been hard to focus. I have retweeted helpful quotes where I can - a safe place to store them, as I look back at my own Twitter page - and have saved encouraging Instagram posts for future reference. 

In reality, my emotional life has been too chaotic to really concentrate, but today, a blog post echoed both the sermon and a New Wine talk (from United Breaks Out, by Nicola Neal), and so I am compelled to record what God is saying.

So www.incourage.me puts it all beautifully:

"“In this world you will have trouble,” Jesus said.

And all the sisters and saints said amen. The reality of the world’s brokenness has been evident since the world began. It was true when Jesus walked the dusty earth with His disciples, and it’s true as true can be in 2020.

But Jesus didn’t stop there. Trouble is our reality, but so is victory. “Take heart!” Jesus said. “I have overcome the world.”

When Jesus died on the cross, He proclaimed, “It is finished.” His death and resurrection laid death in its grave. Because of His love, grace, and our adoption as His children, we are given the ultimate gift of eternal life with Him forever. His triumph is our victory too. These truths are fundamental and foundational to our faith, but often, we find ourselves missing out on the victory in the struggle and mundaneness of our ordinary days.

Daily circumstances lead us to wonder things like, How do live with exceptional joy when we face such difficult circumstances? How do we practically live out God’s love and share it with others when our hearts are breaking, our country is shaking, and when we’ve lost jobs or health or hope? How do we look beyond today to live with a perspective of eternity and take heart right where we are?

We look to Jesus. We keep our eyes locked on Him. We remember what He has already done and what He will yet do!

Putting on love over all means remembering that Jesus has not only overcome death but He also daily fights our battles with us. In the middle of the hurt, He invites us to take heart, come near to Him, and hold tight to His promises. He invites us to be messengers of His love and victory just by showing up and loving others."

There has been much to encourage. I look to Jesus. I remind myself of Hebrews 12:1 - 3 "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I find, saved in my drafts folder, this message from Richard Rohr: 

"A Message from Richard Rohr about COVID-19  Love Alone Overcomes Fear
March 19, 2020

It is shocking to think how much the world has changed in such a brief time. Each of us has had our lives and communities disrupted. Of course, I am here in this with you. I feel that I’m in no position to tell you how to feel or how to think, but there are a few things that come to mind I will share.

A few days ago I was encouraged by the Franciscans and by the leadership team here at the CAC to self-quarantine, so I’ve been here in my little hermitage now for three or four days. I’ve had years of practice, literally, how to do what we are calling “social distancing.” I have a nice, large yard behind me where there are four huge, beautiful cottonwood trees, and so I walk my dog Opie every few hours.

Right now I’m trying to take in psychologically, spiritually, and personally, what is God trying to say? When I use that phrase, I’m not saying that God causes suffering to teach us good things. But God does use everything, and if God wanted us to experience global solidarity, I can’t think of a better way. We all have access to this suffering, and it bypasses race, gender, religion, and nation.

We are in the midst of a highly teachable moment. There’s no doubt that this period will be referred to for the rest of our lifetimes. We have a chance to go deep, and to go broad. Globally, we’re in this together. Depth is being forced on us by great suffering, which as I like to say, always leads to great love.

But for God to reach us, we have to allow suffering to wound us. Now is no time for an academic solidarity with the world. Real solidarity needs to be felt and suffered. That’s the real meaning of the word “suffer” – to allow someone else’s pain to influence us in a real way. We need to move beyond our own personal feelings and take in the whole. This, I must say, is one of the gifts of television: we can turn it on and see how people in countries other than our own are hurting. What is going to happen to those living in isolated places or for those who don’t have health care? Imagine the fragility of the most marginalized, of people in prisons, the homeless, or even the people performing necessary services, such as ambulance drivers, nurses, and doctors, risking their lives to keep society together? Our feelings of urgency and devastation are not exaggeration: they are responding to the real human situation. We’re not pushing the panic button; we are the panic button. And we have to allow these feelings, and invite God’s presence to hold and sustain us in a time of collective prayer and lament.

I hope this experience will force our attention outwards to the suffering of the most vulnerable. Love always means going beyond yourself to otherness. It takes two. There has to be the lover and the beloved. We must be stretched to an encounter with otherness, and only then do we know it’s love. This is what we call the subject-subject relationship. Love alone overcomes fear and is the true foundation that lasts (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Love underpins it all. Love is Jesus. Withouth him, life is uncertain, chaotic and difficult. With him, life still threatens to be uncertain, chaotic and difficult, the trouble in this world, BUT JESUS HAS OVERCOME.

Remember.

Advent comes

Today in darkness,
now December has arrived:
day before Advent.

Luke 1: an orderly account
that we might know
the certainty of things.

Zechariah: no longer waiting
for a child: only doubting.
Even an angel
could not convince him easily.

Yet Elizabeth knew. As did Mary.
These long-suffering women
accepted news of undreamed
pregnancy gladly.

This first chapter
of the Jesus story
is full of songs of certainty.

Worship

They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshipped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh.
Mark 2:11

The gifts.

"They presented unto him gifts - These were presented to him as King of the Jews, because they supposed he was to be a distinguished prince and conqueror. It was customary in the East to show respect for persons of distinction by making presents or offerings of this kind. See Genesis 32:14; Genesis 43:11; 1 Samuel 10:27; 1 Kings 10:2; Psalm 72:10-15. This custom is still common in the East, and it is everywhere there unusual to approach a person of distinguished rank without a valuable present.

Frankincense - Frankincense is a white resin or gum. It is obtained from a tree by making incisions in the bark, and suffering the gum to flow out. It is highly odoriferous or fragrant when burned, and was therefore used in worship, where it was burned as a pleasant offering to God. See Exodus 30:8; Leviticus 16:12. It is found in the East Indies, but chiefly in Arabia; and hence it has been supposed probable that the wise men came from Arabia.

Myrrh - This was also a production of Arabia, and was obtained from a tree in the same manner as frankincense. The name denotes bitterness, and was given to it on account of its great bitterness. It was used chiefly in embalming the dead, because it had the property of preserving dead bodies from putrefaction. Compare John 19:39, it was much used in Egypt and in Judea. It was obtained from a thorny tree, which grows 8 or 9 feet high. It was at an early period an article of commerce Genesis 37:25, and was an ingredient of the holy ointment, Exodus 30:23. It was also used as an agreeable perfume, Esther 2:12; Psalm 45:8; Proverbs 7:17. It was also sometimes mingled with wine to form an article of drink. Such a drink was given to our Saviour, when about to be crucified, as a stupefying potion, Mark 15:23; compare Matthew 27:34. The offerings here referred to were made because they were the most valuable which the country of the Magi or wise men produced. They were tokens of respect and homage which they paid to the new-born King of the Jews. They evinced their high regard for him, and their belief that he was to be an illustrious prince; and the fact that their deed is recorded with approbation shows us that we should offer our most valuable possessions, our all, to the Lord Jesus Christ. Wise men came from far to do him homage, and bowed down, and presented their best gifts and offerings. It is right that we give to him also our hearts, our property, our all." (Barnes' notes, Bible.cc)

The wise men brought expensive gifts.
In reality, what can I give
the King of Kings?
I have nothing.

Only a heart.
May I be see the Lord Jesus
and be overcome
in worship.

Dedication

"Anna the prophetess was also there, a daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher. She was by now a very old woman. She had been married seven years and a widow for eighty-four. She never left the Temple area, worshiping night and day with her fastings and prayers. At the very time Simeon was praying, she showed up, broke into an anthem of praise to God, and talked about the child to all who were waiting expectantly for the freeing of Jerusalem."
Luke 2:36 - 38

Anna, the gracious one, whose name means grace, prophesying in a dark world, where God had not spoken to her people for four hundred years...

The gracious one, remaining in prayer, seeking God, listening to His whispers, dedicating her life to His worship.

And then she heard it. Heard Him say: 'This is Him. This is the one. Tell all who are waiting for the freeing of Jerusalem....

'...the freeing of Jerusalem.'

Did she have any inkling of what this 'freeing' really meant?
Not a physical warrior king, a new David, who could put an end to the oppression from the Assyrians, the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Romans...

...no, a NEW Saviour, whose grace reaches far beyond a mere city.

Grace prophesied by Grace.

Story behind The Story.

When they finished everything required by God in the Law, they returned to Galilee and their own town, Nazareth. There the child grew strong in body and wise in spirit. And the grace of God was on him."

Luke 2:39 - 40

This little gap, between verses 38 and 39, speaks volumes. Between Bethlehem and Nazareth were several years... it is said that they remained in Bethlehem long enough for the wise men to visit them before they fled to Egypt in front of Herod's murdering soldiers.

Such obedience from Mary and Joseph: fulfilling the law: the circumcision, and naming, affirming again the separation, the setting apart, of the Jews from the Gentiles: and yet this boy was to bring unity to all the world under God;
the giving of the first-born to God, acknowledging that Jesus belonged to God, who gave him life: and how very true this was for THIS boy;
the cleansing of Mary, making her fit once again to worship God in the temple: but of course she worshipped Him in her heart, wherever she was - as she and Joseph would have to do in Egypt.

And once in Nazareth.... Nazareth was home.
There they could settle, surrounded by family
who would help them in bringing up their son.

So he grew, physically strong and spiritually wise.
Emotionally gracious.
Perfect.
Jesus.

Blessing. Blessings.

"When the eighth day arrived, the day of circumcision, the child was named Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived.

Then when the days stipulated by Moses for purification were complete, they took him up to Jerusalem to offer him to God as commanded in God’s Law: “Every male who opens the womb shall be a holy offering to God,” and also to sacrifice the “pair of doves or two young pigeons” prescribed in God’s Law.

In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, a man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Holy Spirit had shown him that he would see the Messiah of God before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God:

"God, you can now release your servant;
release me in peace as you promised.
With my own eyes I’ve seen your salvation;
it’s now out in the open for everyone to see:
A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations,
and of glory for your people Israel."

Jesus’ father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother,
'This child marks both the failure and
the recovery of many in Israel,
A figure misunderstood and contradicted—
the pain of a sword-thrust through you—
But the rejection will force honesty,
as God reveals who they really are.'"

Luke 2:21 - 37

Blessed was Simeon
to see the Blessing
for all mankind.

What did Mary think? Why was she surprised?
Did she not already know
how Wonderful was
this Son of hers?

He was, after all, to be called JESUS.
The Saviour.

Ponder. SHOUT!

"Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!"

Luke 2:19 - 20

Again, when Jesus, aged 12, was 'lost' in the temple, Mary 'treasured all these things in her heart'. She kept them to herself until, as an old lady, she confided them to Luke, remembering all things about her dear son.

She would not have forgotten a single detail.
Barnes' notes say:
"A "mother" forgets none of those things which occur respecting her children. Everything they do or suffer - everything that is said of them, is treasured up in her mind; and often she thinks of those things, and anxiously seeks what they may indicate respecting the future character and welfare of her child.

Pondered - Weighed. This is the original meaning of the word "weighed." She kept them; she revolved them; she "weighed" them in her mind, giving to each circumstance its just importance, and anxiously seeking what it might indicate respecting her child.

In her heart - In her mind. She "thought" of these things often and anxiously."
The shepherds, on the other hand, did not forget either. They could NOT keep this amazing event to themselves, and told everyone they could, giving God the glory and the praise. 

Who believed them? Would I? Could I? Or would cold reason, dismissal of 'superstition', disbelief, ignorance, have come creeping in?

God, give me eyes to see You at work in our world
a heart to believe
and a willing will to obey.

Arrival.

And how amazing
that this Jesus, this Jew born to people of humble origin
should have his birth registered
in the mighty Roman empire.
Caesar Augustus, thinking he was God
and owned the people, wanting them counted
as he counted his riches, was himself
directed by God.

No disputing that this baby was born
a real human being.
No disputing his parents.
No disputing his birthplace.
No, the mighty Roman empire
had it recorded as truth

ordained by God, who himself
spoke centuries before
of where and how this all would happen.

Luke 2:1 - 7
About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant.

6-7 While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.

Integrity

Joseph's story.
Oh, not our Egyptian hero, but our Nazarene one.
They whispered about him in the village.
Poor Joseph, trustworthy carpenter
having to father
another Man's Son.

Everyone knew
Mary had betrayed him with another.
Unexplainable.
Joseph was a good, steady, hard-working man.
Mary a good, loving, lovely girl.
Oh, he was a good man, he was.

Indeed.
He paid no heed to gossip, wishing only the best
for the girl he adored.
Preferring to protect her in his pain
he, a law-abiding, law-following-in-simple-obedience man
agonized over the Right Thing to Do.

Joseph
descendant of David,
clung to his forefather's psalms
of praise to their God.
Nothing else could matter
but that God, GOD, should be honoured in this mess.

Painfully
he resolved
to quietly separate himself
from his one love
in his disgrace.

Keeping honour
he thought of her first.
Seeking to do what was right and just
and to do it in the right way.
In love and mercy.

But God stepped in.
GOD STEPPED IN!
There was no mistaking the dream.
Joyfully, though he knew
the way would not be easy
Joseph accepted the message.

Joyfully
angst turned to scarcely unbelievable
Good News. He, a man of royal family
yet humble position
would father
the Saviour..

He could not understand it.
Jesus. Yeshua. Jehovah who saves.
Yes. the boy would bear the name
of Joshua, Israel's mighty captain
but saving his people from their sins?

Only God.
Only GOD can save
through men's humble sacrifices
to the Almighty, All-Powerful One.
Joseph knew the Scriptures.
Dared he believe this child would be The One?

He did.
Joseph, carpenter of Nazareth
woke up. He obeyed the Angel of the Lord
willingly he took Mary
to be his wife after all.
Before all that was to come.

And blessing came.
Their marriage
which he thought was lost forever
would be saved.
They would need to be strong
for what lay ahead.

Matthew 1:18 - 25

Foretold

Isaiah 7:14 (NIV) Therefore the Lord himself will give you[a] a sign: The virgin[b] will conceive and give birth to a son, and[c] will call him Immanuel.[d]

Who knew
this Baby was so special?

Prophets
early foretold his coming

counting
hundreds and hundreds of times

scriptures
pointing urgently to Him.

How many?
Three hundred and fifty-three.

The Word's
birth, suffering, death foretold.

We know
He is our true Rescuer.

The One
who Loves us more than others.

Thank God
for Jesus, our Redeemer.

Matthew 1:18 - 25

1. Isaiah 7:14 The Hebrew is plural.
2. Isaiah 7:14 Or young woman
3. Isaiah 7:14 Masoretic Text; Dead Sea Scrolls son, and he or son, and they
4. Isaiah 7:14 Immanuel means God with us.

Christ in us; the HOPE of glory

I’ve been reflecting, as so many have, throughout Advent on what I hope for. REALLY hope for. And though I can list many ‘hopes’, I know that there is really only ONE hope and that is Jesus.

“Christ in us the hope of glory.”

The hope of glory. The hope of living in a beautiful, perfect world of ‘no more suffering, no more tears’. The hope of being with Jesus, the most perfect and beautiful man who ever lived. A man who has brought hope and healing to all, whoever and wherever they are.

I’m constantly challenged by a wish, a stirring, a hope of doing more. A deep need within me to grab hold of a life of sacrifice for others because of Jesus. A holy unrest.

But what can I do? I think of a time in my life when I lived more simply and humbly, serving in a rural community in Kenya. I look at my daughter and son-in-law, among others, serving refugees in dark places. I consider my life now – my easy, comfortable, every-day-without-danger-or-inconvenience life – and recognize how my selfishness get in the way of my serving. For who REALLY wants to put themselves out for others?

My ponderings are brought short by a blog from 24-7, where there is a quote from a refugee on Samoa: ‘This complaining will only bring you deeper darkness”.

I ‘complain’ to myself that I’m not sure of my calling. Or I don’t know how to practise it. Excuses and complaints.

I am not in a position to do the ‘big’ things any more (read: at the moment; who knows what the future may bring?) but I can do the ‘little’ things.

Simple hospitality – inviting colleagues to my home; befriending whoever crosses my path; mentoring, sharing what God has given me with others; welcoming the stranger. Taking time.

And as Linda Sourris says in this blog, as she talks about inviting refugees into her home: “So when we open our home, we try most of all to bring them Jesus.”

THAT is a calling. To bring Jesus. Whenever, wherever, to whomever.

Jesus. The hope of glory.

Advent. Third day.

Struggling this Advent at the prospect of a 'childless' Christmas. Ridiculous, when last year we were all together just before Cat's wedding: son, daughter, daughter-in-law, prospective son-in-law, 'second daughter' (daughter's best friend) and her partner... wonderful.

I find myself almost wishing that Christmas was over, at times. How ungrateful is that?

Hugely. Enormously. SELFISHLY. So I'm focusing, during Advent, on the incredible GIFT we have been given. On the SACRIFICE that God made in sending His son. And on the realization, anew, that this is something I should NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED.

So today, I choose
Sacrifice over self
Kindness over selfishness
Smiling words instead of complaint
Laughter over sorrow.

Because of Jesus. Because of Jesus. Because of JESUS.  Lord, help me.

Psalm 30:
"I will praise you, Lord!
You saved me from the grave
and kept my enemies
from celebrating my death.
I prayed to you, Lord God,
and you healed me,
saving me from death
and the grave.

Your faithful people, Lord,
will praise you with songs
and honor your holy name.
Your anger lasts a little while,
but your kindness lasts
for a lifetime.
At night we may cry,
but when morning comes
we will celebrate.

You have turned my sorrow
into joyful dancing.
No longer am I sad.
I thank you from my heart,
and I will never stop
singing your praises,
my Lord and my God."

Drive out

I'm following First 5 - daily Bible study from Proverbs 31 ministries.  In a rather haphazard and lacklustre fashion, actually, as is most of my Bible study at the moment. I know I ought to apply myself better, exercise more discipline (in every way), etc etc but... but.... well, there are no excuses, actually.

BUT this verse caught my heart this morning: Numbers 33:55. God says to this Israelites, just before they are about to enter into the Promised Land: "But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live."

This was actual advice. The native inhabitants worshipped idols, not God, and God knew that the Israelites would wander away from him if they allowed the inhabitants to remain. This did, indeed, happen: man's fallen nature meant that the Israelites disregarded God's wisdom, with unhappy results.

The idea of killing and destroying the lives of others is abhorrent to us, especially at this present time of war and trouble around our world, of an influx of refugees into other countries, of waves of racial hatred and distrust towards those who are 'different' from us, but this is a picture of what happens when - not even IF - we allow sin to stay resident in our lives.

If I substitute 'sin' for 'people', then the Contemporary English Version reads like this:
"If you don’t force out sin, it will be like pointed sticks in your eyes and thorns in your back. It will always be trouble for you,"

Force out sin. Easier said than done, of course. But the chronicle of what happened to the Israelites after they entered the Promised Land and compromised by living alongside the native inhabitants is a sobering reminder of the consequences of living with known sin in our own lives.

Of late, I have experienced these debilitating consequences. Not of the sin or wrongdoing towards others, but the sin of not fully believing and trusting in God's words. Words such as 1 John 1: 9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I confess my sins of unforgiveness and bitterness, yet keep dwelling on the relationships and situations where I sinned.
that
I haven't 'forced out sin'. For God is a good God, loving and compassionate to all: as He says about himself when he appeared to Moses, he is : "“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,"  I haven't believed that God has taken my sins away farther than the east is from the west - that is, to infinity and beyond.

I haven't trusted Him and His saving grace. I have relied on myself and do not truthfully claim that 'Christ is enough for me'.
"Christ is my rewardAnd all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy

Through every trial
My soul will sing
No turning back
I've been set free

Christ is enough for me
Christ is enough for me
Everything I need is in You
Everything I need

Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
And this hope will never fail
Heaven is our home

Through every storm
My soul will sing
Jesus is here
To God be the glory

I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back

The cross before me
The world behind me
No turning back
No turning back"

My challenge. To keep on believing His promises in spite of my feelings of inadequacy. Because I AM inadequate because HE IS ENOUGH.

And how do I know that? because I believe His Word.

And how do I believe His Word?

I read and study it.

There we are. Full circle. The answer to my issues.

The way

Bob posts again: 'Not only is the Jesus way is a path of allegiance, it is a course of worship of Christ. Therefore you cannot bow your knee to another. It is a course of service for Christ. Therefore you cannot put your own needs first. And it is a course of giving all for Christ. Therefore you cannot keep or hold back anything for self.'

And from Michelle, about what is really important in life:

Staying - When we stay in the valley and become honest with God something remarkable happens

The last SATURDAYS post talked about God redeeming even the darkest parts of our story. I love that idea...God turning despair into hope, Night into day, dark into light. But often the idea is a lot easier than the execution. How do these dark-wait-days become redeemed? How can we practically find God in them? Have you asked these questions? I know I have!

Perhaps it begins when we stop trying to turn on the light ourselves. Of course it's only natural to look for light in dark places. When my dad got sick I wanted to find ways to alleviate the pain and shock of it all. No one with any appetite for life initially enters a difficult season by saying, "Oh yeah baby! Bring it on...the more desolate the better!" Nope... We initially want out! But skipping across the top of pain does not allow us to be present with it, which is what brings healing.

While I believe being present with pain is the best way through it, often I need to learn how to do that. In the case with my dad, the only thing I really knew was that I didn’t like it. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. I dreaded the journey ahead for him, my mom, for everybody. So, secretly in my heart, I tried to find a light switch to turn on. I wanted to illuminate this path and find something better, but there was no light switch. (Now, before anyone corrects me, don’t worry, I already know Jesus is the light of life...I don't need a reminder) Since I could not find a way to illuminate that path, I groped for a door and looked for a way out, but every door opened to the same reality. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. But God had a plan, He still does. And one of the gifts of such sacred darkness is that there is no escape. 

To find the light of Christ we must be willing to journey the dark, solemn places of our soul that rise up and question the goodness of God. Job did that and he wasn't scolded, he was actually reminded of God. Perhaps some would say, we shouldn’t question God’s goodness, or that we should trust him more. Well, that’s a good idea and when you meet someone who has that figured out, let me know. I have tried bringing my “should” or “shouldn’t” self to God. It doesn’t work very well, because it isn’t my real-self. I don’t need God to love the person I should be, I need him to love the person I AM. Nothing discloses the real-me more than moments of desolation.

I suppose that’s why raw honesty works best...at least it does for me. In that hotel room near Stanford sometime around 3 am I could cry out, “God, I don’t like this! I’m overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment. I don’t trust you to be good right now because the pain and shock I feel eclipses much of what I’ve learned about you....or at least what I've come to believe. If you are who you say you are, please come and meet me here.” …And he did, and he brought his goodness with him. Like Job, I wasn't scolded in his presence, I was reminded.
So I asked God to open my eyes to what was real and to see His goodness in it. As I came across a garden at Stanford I was reminded there is a Gardener that grows beautiful things from dirt that holds seeds; and the soil bed of our hearts are being prepared, all the time, for sacred work and beauty. Walking through the many waiting areas God gave me eyes to see past the medicine and notice the sleepy sojourners in waiting rooms, unforgotten by the One who is high above it all. He's the one who remembers our waiting condition and keeps us present before the Father even when we can't do so ourselves (Rom 8, Isa 55:8-9). He collects our tears and carries our sorrows (Ph 56:8). He does it while we work out our disappointments with Him, with our story and with ourselves.

It takes time to make room for such soul-space. Silence and solitude are key. In them, the many screams from this crazy roller-coaster can be silenced. His still small voice finds an echo that carries its way to the canyons of our dismay. And while we wait in the basin of darkness, we learn to die. We loosen our grip on what we must have, who we must be, the things we must accomplish, and we simply begin to rest in who we are and what we’ve been given. We become present with ourselves and, if we invite him, Jesus shows up too. The sinner dines with Holiness and in the power of God’s loving presence, we are changed.

I am slowly learning to let the Light of Life love me in honest visitations. This, after all, is our inheritance. Let us receive it with…joy.

Become silent for a moment. Stay quiet long enough to notice what's rumbling in your heart and mind?
What honest plea might you have for God?
Practice trusting Him by voicing that plea before him. Set your 'should' and 'shouldn't' aside and dare to speak what rises up.
Let the Light of Life love you in the darkness and hold you present before Himself.

Hear Him say, "Oh beloved, show me your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely. There's nothing in your story that I have not seen and remembered."

Purpose and encouragement

Recently, I have the lost the discipline of writing. Life has overwhelmed me, somewhat: enough to distract me. I've found myself wandering in circles: occasionally, actually physically doing so.

Overwhelmingness came from inside. Facing a major life decision: where to live, what to do...work could have been coming to an end (it's not, as far as I know), we could have been moving (we are, but not far...)....

It was hard. But now, as I drift towards an outcome - I can't say I have MADE a decision, but feel as if the way is beginning to come clearer - I seem to be finding new purpose. And I now realise that, in some ways, I had become lacklustre about the most important purpose of all.

Seeking the most precious Pearl.

Jesus talks about the kingdom of heaven as a pearl of immense worth: so valuable that a merchant gave up everything he had to buy it. (Matthew 13:45 - 46) We read a devotional by Chris Tiegreen every day, where he talks about this and Paul's assertion that Christ is everything and anything else we might gain which benefits us is just rubbish. Paul says (Philippians 3:8 - 9) "Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him."

I hadn't lost my focus on God - indeed, I sought God and His wisdom earnestly in prayer. But I had let the concern, even worry at times, about our decisions dominate my thinking and emotions. I had stopped searching for the most valuable thing, which was Jesus himself.

Being faithful to worship Jesus, to know him better, was the most important thing. More important than where I should live or what I should do.

I was helped to remember this in tiny, imperceptible ways. Ways in which there was such a subtle shift in my spiritual life that I could barely identify it. For a few months, beginning just after I had made a momentous decision about where I would live, I became part of a group which met to explore spirituality. We thoughts about how we could love God more and be better disciples, we practised different forms of evangelism and serving, but most of all we learned to worship in new and different ways. And as I worshipped, I found myself changing.

The decision I had made - to move - had not left me with peace. After making it, I wanted it to work, although I realised that I was always LOOKING for things which would confirm the decision. The new path promised adventure and excitement, uncertainty and the prospect of having to rely completely on God - but was it really where God wanted me to go? Were some of my motives selfish?

As Marilyn Gardner says in her blog Communicating Across Boundaries   "I think I may have been looking for the wrong things –my purpose, my calling, my sense of significance and belonging–surely Jesus’ tiny story taught me to search out the most important thing. I’m joining the jewel merchant.I’m looking for the Excellent Pearl, the Flawless One, the Pearl of Great Price. He is here and I know the hunt for Him will never disappoint."

I eventually realised that I needed to stay put. I had  become distracted from The Main Thing - knowing and worshipping Jesus. As Marilyn says: "I’ve felt my sense of self being swallowed again by the mundane, by the endless question of who I am and what am I doing here. I’ve wondered again at my purpose.

I know my life has meaning here. I firmly believe we are here on purpose. I just need to find it again.…I need to uncover it. Sometimes it seems to be more hidden for me than for others. And often it seems illusive. Just when I stop looking and settle into my routines I find it in between spiritual direction clients or under a pile of clean clothes. The moment, however, I go to grab it always seems to disappear."

 I needed to stay in my job, stay in the town I am living in, just stay. There was no clear call either way: sensing no sense of purpose in leaving, with no clear idea of what I would do if I moved...

...but then little joys started to come my way.

Relationships that had been a little difficult and tense were restored: difficulty and tension vanished overnight and they became a complete joy.

My job became more rewarding. I saw changes in the children I teach as they became more mature but also in the learning and knowledge they began to develop. I became ridiculously thrilled when I asked them to highlight boring connectives in their writing and an apprehensive little voice said: "I can't FIND any..."  I was delighted to deliver an almost perfect lesson for my yearly appraisal: something that had never happened before. I felt encouraged.

I began to appreciate my life here more. I realised that in my focus on moving, I had stopped opening my arms wide. I had pulled back on giving of myself.

My word(s) for this year to encourage myself are 'Be generous'. I am not a naturally generous person, except perhaps in befriending others, which I had neglected. I needed to learn more and more to open myself up and be generous with my life - with what God had so generously given me.

So, near the end of the first month of the year, I look back and am thankful for renewed energy, renewed direction, a renewed sense of purpose...as I keep my eyes on Jesus: "...who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!" Hebrews 12:2, The Message

Joy foretold

I puzzle.

Gabriel comes to Mary and tells her she will have a son. How wonderful. Here is a girl, engaged to be married, wondering about the children she will have and she hears that her first born will be a BOY.

She will have done her duty by her husband with that one first birth.

And not just any boy, but someone who will grow up special and honoured. The son of the Most High and Holy God. Someone who will be king as David was. Someone who will rule over the entire house of Jacob, her betrothed’s family. Someone whose kingdom will last forever.

And she asks how? How will this happen?

And I wonder why this is not counted as doubt. When Zechariah asks how he will know, really know the angel’s words are true, he is struck dumb. And surely that is some sort of consequence, or punishment, for his apparent disbelief when he asks how an impossible thing can happen without just accepting that God can do anything whenever and however he want.

And I wonder what it means that Mary asks how it will happen? For surely she should expect to have children, she who is engaged to be married. Is this angel’s visit surely not just giving her news of what she can anticipate for her life?

But no. For the greeting of the angel is one that has been foretold, the words from God for just such a time as this.

This is the sign of Ahaz, from the Lord himself: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.”  Isaiah 7:14

This is no ordinary conception, no ordinary baby, will be no ordinary birth... for this is what has been destined from the  beginning, when man fell into sin and there was only one way out...THIS.

Remember. Keep focused. Keep dependent.

"I want to know only one thing. How were you given God’s Spirit? Was it by obeying the Law of Moses or by hearing about Christ and having faith in him? 

How can you be so stupid? 

Do you think that by yourself you can complete what God’s Spirit started in you?

Have you gone through all of this for nothing? Is it all really for nothing? 

God gives you his Spirit and works miracles in you. But does he do this because you obey the Law of Moses or because you have heard about Christ and have faith in him?"

How to live in the TRUTH? The truth that nothing I do by my own efforts can save me... the truth that I have to put myself aside and humble myself completely...the truth that I CONSTANTLY have to consider MY 'self' as useless as dead and 'all' I need to do is rely on Jesus?

And how to do I do that? By constantly turning to him and asking for help. Every day. Every hour. Every minute,

Trying for every hour, at least. So here we are:

Verses 5 - 9 (Chapter 3) say, in The Message:
"Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don’t these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.

Is it not obvious to you that persons who put their trust in Christ (not persons who put their trust in the law!) are like Abraham: children of faith? It was all laid out beforehand in Scripture that God would set things right with non-Jews byfaith. Scripture anticipated this in the promise to Abraham: “All nations will be blessed in you.”

So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: “Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law.”"

Paul goes on: "The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: “The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them.”

Such a temptation to think - usually unconsciously - that if I DO the right things I will FEEL right with God. And yet there is a truth in this.  We feel good when we do the right thing, just as we feel bad when we sin - the hidden lie, the small thing stolen, the unkind thought....

So perhaps it is more than feelings. Perhaps it is just about knowing God, being with him, developing relationship, as we would with anyone - finding out more about how he thinks and feels and does, finding out about his family, his background, his interests, rather than doing anything to impress.

After all, just trying to impress someone by what we do and say doesn't build relationship with them, does it? We're just showing off when we do that...

"In fact, the Law was our teacher. It was supposed to teach us until we had faith and were acceptable to God. But once a person has learned to have faith, there is no more need to have the Law as a teacher." (Galatians 3:24 - 25)

Teaching Judaism to the children at the moment, it has become more and more apparent that Judaism is a religion of good rules and regulations, a way of life: Christianity is about following a person whose heritage was that same way of life....

And so: "All of you are God’s children because of your faith in Christ Jesus. And when you were baptized, it was as though you had put on Christ in the same way you put on new clothes.  Faith in Christ Jesus is what makes each of you equal with each other, whether you are a Jew or a Greek, a slave or a free person, a man or a woman. So if you belong to Christ, you are now part of Abraham’s family, and you will be given what God has promised."

There are many reasons why I cling on to this promise: I can only pray: Lord, increase my faith.

Unity.Love.Grace,

This chapter is about unity - and it is Paul who initiated the discussions, going to Jerusalem in response to God telling him, to meet with the apostles and make sure he was on the right track.

Amazing. He'd been 14 years on his own already, doing his own 'following God' thing.  He was welcomed, included, supported ..."I met privately with those considered to be leaders of the church and shared with them the message I had been preaching to the Gentiles. I wanted to make sure that we were in agreement, for fear that all my efforts had been wasted and I was running the race for nothing. And they supported me....James, Peter, and John, who were known as pillars of the church, recognized the gift God had given me, and they accepted Barnabas and me as their co-workers. They encouraged us to keep preaching to the Gentiles, while they continued their work with the Jews.  Their only suggestion was that we keep on helping the poor, which I have always been eager to do."

And yet... the very next thing we find is that Paul confronted Peter, accusing him of doing wrong by no longer eating with the Gentiles. Peter had begun to draw back and separate himself from the non-Jews because he was worried about what the Jews would say: Paul brought this into the open and told Peter openly that he was a hypocrite and wrong to do so.

Oh, to have the courage to tell someone face to face that they are wrong. To risk the anger and condemnation and ridicule that would surely come my way. I have been on the receiving end of it, of course - and am very good at accepting blame, even when something I have done has not been intended, has been taken the wrong way or perhaps I haven't even done wrong at all - it has just been 'different'.

(That sounds like another topic altogether: 'different' doesn't necessarily mean 'wrong'.  Can we not just accept our differences?)

Galatians 2:16 "Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law." This is a reminder that the one thing I NEED is to be in right relationship with Jesus: it's not about just DOING stuff, it's about who I am with him.  It's like my marriage: I can DO all the right things to invest in my marriage - serving my husband, spending time with him - but if our relationship is not right, then we do not communicate well and we do not feel 'right' with each other.


But, actually, if I know the truth of THIS; "I have been nailed to the cross with Christ. 20 I have died, but Christ lives in me. And I now live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me.21 I don’t turn my back on God’s undeserved kindness." (v19 - 21)  then I can live a life of love given freely: for I was enslaved by sin and have been SET FREE!

I can be generous, even when I feel grudging.
I can give the benefit of the doubt, even when I want to gain revenge.
I can love without expectation, even when I expect loving.

I CAN. Because HE DID. He died. For me. End.of.story.

Fighting back

1 Peter 5:8 - 9: Be alert and of sober mind.Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him,standing firm in the faith,because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I wish I would remember this more often. Because when I flounder in anxious thoughts, hurt feelings or even physical difficulties, I forgot where my trouble comes from.

Sin   And the devil. A malevolent being who wishes none other but my discouragement and destruction.

And so I need to remember this. BE ALERT AND OF SOBER MIND. Watch out. Keep a clear head. The cry of the shepherd when the lion is about to attack the flock, the shout of the watchman on the walls who sees the enemy approaching.

The enemy? Manifested in...

• anxious thoughts
• feelings of depression
• low spirits
• discouragement
• a sense of isolation
• doubt and despair...

Nothing, of course, in comparison to the extreme physical persecution which so many believers are undergoing in other parts of the world, especially the Middle East. 

But a reminder to me to look out, beyond myself, forgetting myself. To 'fix my eyes on Jesus,the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Living generously

I read Peter's call to holiness, to right living, to a generous life: "So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. (Put all your hope in how kind God will be to you when Jesus Christ appears.)Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. 
As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

And I have just written of living generously, and the cost to my self will, the need to kill my selfish desires:

Living generously
is not about giving out of my riches
but my need.

I forgive my enemy
the friend who has betrayed
the colleague who has put me down

open-handedly giving away
my need to win the argument
my desire for love and rognition
my wish for revenge.

  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Living generously
is not about benevolent feelings
but selfless actions.

I bless my enemy
do good to the friend who has betrayed
speak well of the colleague who has put me down.

grudgingly putting away
a desire to wound
yearning for a nasty response
craving harm.

  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Living generously
shows me how far short I fall
of perfection.

And how can I do this? Because I have received the gift of life that is Jesus. Because he has saved me from condemnation  because he loves me. Because I can be joyous and endure because of him.Because.

I set my mind on things above.