Thoughts on submitting - Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5:21-24:

"Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.  Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.  The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.  So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands." Put their husbands first.

What does it mean for me to understand and support my husband in a way that shows my support for Christ?!  What does that look like?

I understand this to be a follow on from verse 21, which talks about how we should live as Christians: be courteously reverent to one another. In the society of the time, wives would be the property of their husbands. The Jews had lived under the law, interpreted by the rabbis to such a strict extent that it was impossible, as Paul states in Romans 7, to keep properly. Jesus turned this upside down: it was God’s grace that saved people, not people’s own merits and deeds.

This admonition in Ephesians, then, is an encouragement to respond to each other as we do to Christ. This sense of awe and wonder: that Jesus should have died for MY mistakes and failings should be what drives me in my treatment of others. Paul says elsewhere ‘consider others as better than yourselves’ because Jesus humbled himself - the Philippians 2 poem says it all:

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honour of God the Father."

We are to consider ourselves as ‘dead’ to the world (Galatians 2:19) and as such give up all our ‘rights’ in relation to each other. My right to be respected, loved, cherished, obeyed, appreciated, valued, desired… whatever I consider my ‘right’ to be in any relationship. My ‘submission’ - which the Message translates as understanding and support - is a representation of my submission to Christ in that he has paid for me and ‘bought me with a price’ (1 Corinthians 6:19 - 20)  My life is not my own.   As such, all that should matter - and, of course, sin and selfishness and ‘me’ and ‘my’ gets in the way of perfection - is my relationship with Christ as I try to work that out with others. It is holding my ‘rights' lightly, being willing to give them up.

Now, of course, in terms of my relationship with my husband I often don't give up my rights. After all, respect for me is incredibly important to me and many of my struggles are because I feel he doesn't respect my opinions/point of view whatever enough. Often, when I am satisfied he has understood, then I can 'support and understand’ him. It is all about putting the other person first.  If my 'right’ is to be respected and listened to, I need to be ready to give that up. I don’t like being told what to do - and I fear losing control - and so I don't naturally and readily 'submit’ in the old fashioned sense. But when I think about it, and try to understand - as I try to understand what God wants to do in my life - then it becomes more possible, in spite of my own selfishness.

It's all about NOT getting my own way!

Of course, the flip side is that Dad needs to lead me by 'cherishing’ me and being as self-sacrificial towards me as Jesus was and is. That is equally hard for him! From my point of view, leadership by Dad should be by example - and I need to have a humble enough heart that I do actually NOTICE his good example - and that he should make decisions based on what is best for both of us, not just what he wants to do.

So although I think we possibly disagree or 'discuss' rather a lot, perhaps we don't really. IF I want to show support for Christ - submit to Christ - then I must be loyal to him first. And if supporting Dad shows that I am a loyal wife and Christian, then that has to underpin everything I do in that relationship.  

Of course, discussing something so that I CAN understand is also what we do in prayer - we ask God and discuss and argue about what is happening until we come to an understanding. An understanding which, often, is just that we DON'T understand but are able to accept and to trust God.
As Isaiah 55:9 says:
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

And, sometimes, it's the same in marriage. Sometimes I just have to stop trying to understand and accept that my husband is trying to do the best he can for our marriage.

Even if I still don't 'get it'.

Yielding

Yield. to give or render as fitting, rightfully owed, or required.
to give up possession of:
to surrender or relinquish to the physical control of another;
to surrender or submit oneself to another;
to relinquish one's possession of a position of advantage or point of superiority eg yield precedence;

Give way to arguments, demands, or pressure.
"the Western powers now yielded when they should have resisted"
yield: surrender, capitulate, submit, relent, admit defeat, back down, climb down, give in, give up the struggle, lay down one's arms, raise/show the white flag; informal - throw in the towel, cave in
give in to, give way to, submit to, bow down to, comply with, agree to, consent to, go along with; grant, permit, allow;
"he yielded to her demands"
The opposite: resist, defy

Relinquish possession of something; give something up.
synonyms: relinquish, surrender, cede, remit, part with, hand over;

When I see these words, something inside me rises up in protest. No! Yielding is the last thing I want to do...

But the Bible, in words and example of Jesus and the Spirit, calls us again and again to submit.

Abraham submitted to God's leading to leave and go.
Jacob submitted to Esau to restore relationship between them.
Ruth submitted to her mother-in-law Naomi, doing what Naomi told her to do.
Mary submitted to the Holy Spirit when she became pregnant with Jesus.
Jesus submitted to a hideous death.

Romans 12:1 "So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him."

We are encouraged/told/admonished over and over again: submit to God.

But how do we recognise when and who we should submit to?  And even then, how?

I was listening to a discussion about the clash between President Lyndon Johnson and Martin Luther King; of how the scripture 'Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible.' (Romans 13:1 - 3) was used to block King's attempts to stop segregation: a case without doubt for challenging the authorities, not 'subject to' them.

We need wisdom and discernment to know when we are called NOT to yield, but to stand firm. We need to know when we shouldn't 'sweat the small stuff'. To recognise what is from God, and what is just our own selfishness.

A humble person - or a doormat? A doormat for God which just says' Welcome'?

So how do we submit to others?
Do we yield to those who are in authority over us, without question? Or only if we think they are right?
Do we yield to those who think they are in authority over us? When? How?

When we yield, perhaps the biggest thing we give up is pride.
We may consider that we are right, and the other is wrong; so it is hard to yield. We give up the 'dream' of getting something right.
We may be giving up our position, fearing that our status will then be lower than before.
At the root of feelings of unease or dislike, when we have to yield to others, is pride.

Yet Jesus is humility.

Paul says: ""Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person.  Don’t be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves.  Care about them as much as you care about yourselves.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honoured him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honour of God the Father.

...simply keep on doing what you’ve done from the beginning. ...redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I’ll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You’ll be living proof that I didn’t go to all this work for nothing." Philippians 2

Is there any difference in this advice between Christians and non-Christians?  Should we yield more readily to other believers?

In the end, what matters is that we submit to God. When we do so, when we recognise HIS complete authority over us with no ifs, buts, or other excuses, then he promises:  "I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands." (Ezekiel 36:25 - 27)

The consequence of not submitting...

Esther 1:19 - 22: so, the consequence for Vashti's refusal to go to her husband was banishment. Why not death? How severe was the regime at the time?

The devotional today says: "When Queen Vashti did not come into the presence of the king when he asked, she was showing disrespect to her husband. Whether or not he should have asked her is not the point, the point is she made him look like a fool. We can do the same things to our husbands when we do not respect them. Respecting your husband is to humbly submit to him. Now I realize that this is not a very popular idea in our society, but popular or not, we are called to follow God’s word."

Ephesians 5:33 says: "So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband."

Humbly submit. Well, yes. Difficult, sometimes. But I guess the best attitude to have is that of Jesus as the Message says in Philippians 2:  If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Whatever you do...

A few weeks ago, Colossians 3:22 - 25 had been on my mind, as I  neared the end of the Good Morning Girls study on Colossians:  "Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favouritism."

The Message puts it like this:  "Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work."

Ultimately, whatever we do is for and in obedience to God...life is about how we work this out!And this was my 'verse for the day', following on from Colossians 3:23: Romans 13:1 [Submission to Governing Authorities] "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." 

Ultimately, whatever we do is for and in obedience to God...life is about how we work this out! 

I do try to do this. I do try to be 'the best I can be'.  Yet, at the end of a busy day, a busy week, I find myself wondering where God was during the day as I scurried around, trying to work cheerfully and without complaining, 'doing' and 'being' but, seldom 'praying'. And I find myself wondering how I can bring my prayer life into my working life, to find connection with Jesus in all the humdrum and crises and joyous moments....

RESPECT - advice from Ephesians etc

Came across a set of blog posts on that famous verse from Ephesians about wives respecting/submitting to husbands - nearly always a controversial idea these days.

Worth a look. ?

On Ephesians 5...and love...and submission...

Verse 21 in Ephesians 5 begins the whole piece of advice on marriage with the encouragement of 'submitting to one another'. If we only did that, then we would indeed have unity in and among our churches. A simple idea - perhaps too simple - but how many disputes would be solved if we had the humility to do this?
We need to remember that Christ gave himself up for us, His church.  The Message says: Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. 
We can talk endlessly on how this applies to marriage, as Whitney does in this wonderful post; and with it comes the temptation to have the attitude of 'I would submit if he did this first...' but of course wives are told to submit first, regardless of what the husband does.  
The Contemporary English Version says: 'In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself.'  That is often the problem in a marriage - for both men and women: we don't truly love ourselves and so it is hard for us to truly love anyone else.
Yet we are enabled to love ourselves by loving others first. My daughter Cat quote Mother Teresa this week: ‎"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." 

For all of us, married or single, widowed or divorced, it is good to reflect on how much Jesus loves, nourishes and cherishes His people, the church.. 
'Christ's love makes the church whole.'  

It is my prayer that I may be enabled to truly love my husband: putting his needs before mine, loving him even better than I do myself - and if I have to do it by submitting, help me do that!!!

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