Monday, 13 May 2013


Hmmm - I didn't expect to be jotting down any thoughts this morning when, out of the blue, a verse thumped me. Hard.
A few minutes after I'd read a post from Holley Gerth about value, I turned to my daily reading.
Luke 16: 15.
"He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts.What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight."
And to think I always read this as just being about money. *sigh
Because of course it isn't. It IS about money and material possessions, but also about ownership and achievement. Position and progress. Rights and reputation. My whole life.

As I wrestle with bringing to an end a (formerly close and trusting) relationship - not my wish, this longing-for-reconciliation-and-healing-oriented-girl - I write and rewrite a (hopefully) healing email.
Would I like to receive these words? I ponder as I write, and wait, and revisit, and pray, and wait...wait to send my response and bring closure. Forgiveness and puzzlement and hurt and betrayal and love and desire-for-healing-whatever-that-might-look-like jostle in my heart.
As thoughts and feelings wrestle and scream, demanding my attention, I realise that my desire for other people's value has brought me pain.

The desire to receive value from my former friends.

So as I struggle with feelings of disapproval, rejection, betrayal, criticism and denial of my worth, I realise that no amount of words or actions will heal my aching heart.
Because if I value any of the (very good, God-given) 'things' in my life above God, then they must be detestable in God's sight.
For he says:
"You are to worship no other gods before me—My presence is enough." Deuteronomy 5:7, The Voice.
No wonder that I am struggling. I am asking God to restore me when I am looking in the wrong place.
So I recognise my sin. I beg His forgiveness, so readily given in Jesus. I surrender my desires and look to Him.
Because He loves me. He gives me value. He is enough.
As Holley says: "dare to accept that what Jesus says about you is genuine–that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter how you feel.
It’s true."
I am precious in his sight, and that is all that really matters.

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