Of course, we didn't want to do it. We meet with six other friends every week to study the Bible together, pray, share our lives...we very rarely miss a meeting, feeling a gap when we do so. It's comfortable and comforting, challenging and cheering. Hugely important.
Every so often, we wondered: should we, shouldn't we? There were huge numbers of unanswerable questions: would we have to leave our church? We couldn't do two groups at once, so how would we manage without the support of our own group, because leading a new one wouldn't be easy.
Nothing seemed to happen to propel us forward into change, so we put it all back in the cupboard again.
Until last week. during dinner with the friends who lead this other small church,both of us spent the evening separately wondering whether or not we should broach the subject. After all, perhaps they wouldn't want any help from outside. So we kept quiet.
It felt wrong.
So we decided to talk to our home group - would they release us? Reluctantly, they would. They prayed that God would confirm our decision in three ways.
We talked to our friends - did they want help? Yes, they would. Confirmation no.1.
Decision made, I received an aggressive email, out of the blue, which completely threw me. The stress made me feel as if I wasn't worthy to do anything, let alone 'lead' anything. Kind friends supported me and convinced me that this was just an attempt to make me doubt myself. Confirmation no. 2.
Last night, I told the vicar. A huge smile spread across his face. 'Thank you,' he said, 'that's great. I suggested your names to do just this.'
When did he do that? Just hours before our dinner. I realised why they didn't seem at all surprised when we actually offered help. Confirmation no. 3.
I feel absolutely euphoric to know that, although our decision doesn't 'feel' good or even 'right' and we definitely don't want to make this change, God DOES want us to. Wonderful.
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