He was there. At the start
of all creation. Making us out of His great love.
He was there.
The lover of us all.
Isaiah 9:1 - 3 The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.
Random thoughts
It is interesting how many women, when pushed to reveal the deepest parts of themselves, will confess that they feel lonely.
I do, every now and then. In the deepest part of me, I am lonely. Lonely for God, for I am made by Him for Him for all eternity and until I am 'home' I will feel alone, estranged and apart.
That carries over into life too, of course. Events conspire: friends turn away, become busy, form other groups and I am left out. A valued group comes to an end, and I lose the opportunity to share my struggles with others through prayer and Bible study. Those once valued friends continue blissfully on, leaving me out in the cold. (Yes, in church circles, this is what happens.) My colleagues regard me as something of an oddity and I am left on the edge of acceptance.
So Anjuli Paschal puts it beautifully:
"For the Forgotten, Unwanted, Abandoned and Alone
by Anjuli Paschall Oct 3, 2020
I know the feeling of walking into a room and your presence going unnoticed. After months of COVID-19, I know what it’s like to be completely forgotten. I know what it’s like to have friends walk away, siblings drift apart, and job promotions pass you by. I’ve been trapped in the torturous cycle of beauty comparison and house envy. So often, I feel like I am on the outside. No matter what I do or how much I try, I cannot seem to find my place. I cannot drop the weight, finish the task, or make people happy. I know the feeling of pressing my face on a glass wall, always looking in but never good enough to enter.
For all of us outsiders, the call is to lean in close and to know how God sees us. We have to remember the desperate lengths God went to in order to make the broken incredibly beautiful. When we lose sight of how God really sees us, we actually cannot see at all. We need our eyes refocused and adjusted to see the truth. It is so easy to become self-focused and turn inwards. Yet God wants to take our backs bent crippling over and stretch us up outward and open to Him. So for today, if you are feeling self-critical or discouraged, ugly, or unwanted, let us remember how God pursued those who felt just like us.
Arched over the entire Bible, God writes a love story for the one on the outside. Hagar was a servant, cast out and alone. God found her, pursued her, and rescued her. Leah, her name meaning “weary,” was the ugly sister and married to a man who did not love her back. Yet God saw her deepest heart’s desire and blessed her with an abundance of children.
The Lord saw Hannah, sobbing and heartsick for a baby. He heard her and answered. Esther, an orphan, became a queen and saved a nation. Mary, the mother of Jesus, was not even given a proper place to birth a baby, but God provided constant provision for her. The woman at the well, covered in shame, sought refreshment and reprieve. When she came face to face with Jesus, He told her everything she had ever done, and she became free. Martha was anxious and concerned with work, and Jesus invited her to rest.
Over and over again, God moves towards the forgotten, lonely, and unwanted. Over and over again, He sees the hearts of the beaten up, battered, and afraid. He goes out of His way to meet them in their fear and desperation. God is for the outsider, and we can find ourselves in each story of God’s rescue.
How many of us are abandoned, broken, and put out? How many of us huddle at our own shame wells and hope no one sees our sins? How often do we beg God to turn what is infertile to new life?
God is after us, friends. In our places of greatest despair, He chases us down. In our quiet longings and greatest defeats, He moves toward us. If you are feeling discouraged today, look upwards and backwards. Look at all the women in the Bible who have walked the path before you. Lean in close to Christ leaning in toward you. Perhaps your point of pain is the intersection He is waiting at to bring you into His deep, unending love for you."
Bible verses, encouraging blog posts and sermons have been swirling around in my heart and head for many months now. So many, that it has been hard to focus. I have retweeted helpful quotes where I can - a safe place to store them, as I look back at my own Twitter page - and have saved encouraging Instagram posts for future reference.
In reality, my emotional life has been too chaotic to really concentrate, but today, a blog post echoed both the sermon and a New Wine talk (from United Breaks Out, by Nicola Neal), and so I am compelled to record what God is saying.
So www.incourage.me puts it all beautifully:
"“In this world you will have trouble,” Jesus said.
And all the sisters and saints said amen. The reality of the world’s brokenness has been evident since the world began. It was true when Jesus walked the dusty earth with His disciples, and it’s true as true can be in 2020.
But Jesus didn’t stop there. Trouble is our reality, but so is victory. “Take heart!” Jesus said. “I have overcome the world.”
When Jesus died on the cross, He proclaimed, “It is finished.” His death and resurrection laid death in its grave. Because of His love, grace, and our adoption as His children, we are given the ultimate gift of eternal life with Him forever. His triumph is our victory too. These truths are fundamental and foundational to our faith, but often, we find ourselves missing out on the victory in the struggle and mundaneness of our ordinary days.
Daily circumstances lead us to wonder things like, How do live with exceptional joy when we face such difficult circumstances? How do we practically live out God’s love and share it with others when our hearts are breaking, our country is shaking, and when we’ve lost jobs or health or hope? How do we look beyond today to live with a perspective of eternity and take heart right where we are?
We look to Jesus. We keep our eyes locked on Him. We remember what He has already done and what He will yet do!
Putting on love over all means remembering that Jesus has not only overcome death but He also daily fights our battles with us. In the middle of the hurt, He invites us to take heart, come near to Him, and hold tight to His promises. He invites us to be messengers of His love and victory just by showing up and loving others."
There has been much to encourage. I look to Jesus. I remind myself of Hebrews 12:1 - 3 "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I find, saved in my drafts folder, this message from Richard Rohr:
"A Message from Richard Rohr about COVID-19 Love Alone Overcomes Fear
March 19, 2020
It is shocking to think how much the world has changed in such a brief time. Each of us has had our lives and communities disrupted. Of course, I am here in this with you. I feel that I’m in no position to tell you how to feel or how to think, but there are a few things that come to mind I will share.
A few days ago I was encouraged by the Franciscans and by the leadership team here at the CAC to self-quarantine, so I’ve been here in my little hermitage now for three or four days. I’ve had years of practice, literally, how to do what we are calling “social distancing.” I have a nice, large yard behind me where there are four huge, beautiful cottonwood trees, and so I walk my dog Opie every few hours.
Right now I’m trying to take in psychologically, spiritually, and personally, what is God trying to say? When I use that phrase, I’m not saying that God causes suffering to teach us good things. But God does use everything, and if God wanted us to experience global solidarity, I can’t think of a better way. We all have access to this suffering, and it bypasses race, gender, religion, and nation.
We are in the midst of a highly teachable moment. There’s no doubt that this period will be referred to for the rest of our lifetimes. We have a chance to go deep, and to go broad. Globally, we’re in this together. Depth is being forced on us by great suffering, which as I like to say, always leads to great love.
But for God to reach us, we have to allow suffering to wound us. Now is no time for an academic solidarity with the world. Real solidarity needs to be felt and suffered. That’s the real meaning of the word “suffer” – to allow someone else’s pain to influence us in a real way. We need to move beyond our own personal feelings and take in the whole. This, I must say, is one of the gifts of television: we can turn it on and see how people in countries other than our own are hurting. What is going to happen to those living in isolated places or for those who don’t have health care? Imagine the fragility of the most marginalized, of people in prisons, the homeless, or even the people performing necessary services, such as ambulance drivers, nurses, and doctors, risking their lives to keep society together? Our feelings of urgency and devastation are not exaggeration: they are responding to the real human situation. We’re not pushing the panic button; we are the panic button. And we have to allow these feelings, and invite God’s presence to hold and sustain us in a time of collective prayer and lament.
I hope this experience will force our attention outwards to the suffering of the most vulnerable. Love always means going beyond yourself to otherness. It takes two. There has to be the lover and the beloved. We must be stretched to an encounter with otherness, and only then do we know it’s love. This is what we call the subject-subject relationship. Love alone overcomes fear and is the true foundation that lasts (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Love underpins it all. Love is Jesus. Withouth him, life is uncertain, chaotic and difficult. With him, life still threatens to be uncertain, chaotic and difficult, the trouble in this world, BUT JESUS HAS OVERCOME.
Remember.
Learning to use time wisely, I sometimes feel it is a waste if time to do little projects just because I want to do them.
Take the tray I plan to restore, for instance.
I have long wanted a larger tray and found one in a junk shop recently. It needs stripping down and repainting. Then I plan to create a collage with some old maps. I might even start today on my return from school.
Yet a little part of me feels guilty. I don't need to do it. Perhaps I should be using my time in other ways: good works of some kind, or dedicated prayer.
No. Working creatively - restoring a piece of junk, crocheting a baby toy, cooking or baking, colouring a doodle on a journal page - all these free my spirit to worship as I work.
It is not a waste of time, but an exercise in becoming more aware of God and his amazing creative presence in my life.
An awesome use of time. Pity I have to go to work in half an hour.
Time to get creative in the way I dress, perhaps....!