Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts

Tuesday, 7 January 2020

Forgiveness

Just read a great post by Jennifer Dukes Lee. 'How to deal with people who try to bring you down.'

Such a good reminder. I have been in this place of 'having' to extend grace - how can I not, after everything Jesus has done for me?

But it is the hardest thing. I have found that I have to maintain this attitude, keeping kindness on repeat when I REALLY REALLY want to get revenge, expose the wrongdoer, be openly vindicated.

It brings me closer to God and I recognise - and try to be thankful for - that this hurt and rejection is therefore a useful tool in transforming my character.

Doesn't make it any easier, though!?

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Boundaries

Reading on in First 5, I come to Numbers 34, where God tells Moses how to divide up the Promised Land among the tribes of Israel.  This is done by casting lots, according to the size of each tribe. So dividing up the land was not left to the people, where fights and squabbles might have arisen about unfairness, but to God who would decide how the lots would fall and how much land each would get, Indeed, he goes on in Numbers (Chapter 36) to explain what the Levites in particular would have and how their inheritancce would work.

It was all very, very fair - as long as they trusted God and did what he said. As long as they accepted what they were given.

And what immediately struck me - although First 5 concentrates on God's generosity, which is another important lesson to take away from this whole 'given the Promised Land' theme - is that God put BOUNDARIES in place. And how good it is when I accept the boundaries which God has given me. That I am 'content whatever the circumstances', as Paul says.

Circumstances which may, as I reflected yesterday, come as a result of my own sin. It is no good 'backtrading' and living with regrets for my behaviour: I can only go forward, because"...we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: in this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:16 - 19)

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Drive out

I'm following First 5 - daily Bible study from Proverbs 31 ministries.  In a rather haphazard and lacklustre fashion, actually, as is most of my Bible study at the moment. I know I ought to apply myself better, exercise more discipline (in every way), etc etc but... but.... well, there are no excuses, actually.

BUT this verse caught my heart this morning: Numbers 33:55. God says to this Israelites, just before they are about to enter into the Promised Land: "But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live."

This was actual advice. The native inhabitants worshipped idols, not God, and God knew that the Israelites would wander away from him if they allowed the inhabitants to remain. This did, indeed, happen: man's fallen nature meant that the Israelites disregarded God's wisdom, with unhappy results.

The idea of killing and destroying the lives of others is abhorrent to us, especially at this present time of war and trouble around our world, of an influx of refugees into other countries, of waves of racial hatred and distrust towards those who are 'different' from us, but this is a picture of what happens when - not even IF - we allow sin to stay resident in our lives.

If I substitute 'sin' for 'people', then the Contemporary English Version reads like this:
"If you don’t force out sin, it will be like pointed sticks in your eyes and thorns in your back. It will always be trouble for you,"

Force out sin. Easier said than done, of course. But the chronicle of what happened to the Israelites after they entered the Promised Land and compromised by living alongside the native inhabitants is a sobering reminder of the consequences of living with known sin in our own lives.

Of late, I have experienced these debilitating consequences. Not of the sin or wrongdoing towards others, but the sin of not fully believing and trusting in God's words. Words such as 1 John 1: 9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I confess my sins of unforgiveness and bitterness, yet keep dwelling on the relationships and situations where I sinned.
that
I haven't 'forced out sin'. For God is a good God, loving and compassionate to all: as He says about himself when he appeared to Moses, he is : "“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,"  I haven't believed that God has taken my sins away farther than the east is from the west - that is, to infinity and beyond.

I haven't trusted Him and His saving grace. I have relied on myself and do not truthfully claim that 'Christ is enough for me'.
"Christ is my rewardAnd all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy

Through every trial
My soul will sing
No turning back
I've been set free
Christ is enough for me
Christ is enough for me
Everything I need is in You
Everything I need

Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
And this hope will never fail
Heaven is our home

Through every storm
My soul will sing
Jesus is here
To God be the glory

I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back

The cross before me
The world behind me
No turning back
No turning back"

My challenge. To keep on believing His promises in spite of my feelings of inadequacy. Because I AM inadequate because HE IS ENOUGH.

And how do I know that? because I believe His Word.
And how do I believe His Word?
I read and study it.

There we are. Full circle. The answer to my issues.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Celebration. ?

The numbers of the massacre are chilling:

"But they took no plunder. That day, when it was all over, the number of those killed in the palace complex was given to the king. The king told Queen Esther, “In the palace complex alone here in Susa the Jews have killed five hundred men, plus Haman’s ten sons. Think of the killing that must have been done in the rest of the provinces! What else do you want? Name it and it’s yours. Your wish is my command.”

The king is STILL asking Esther what she wants. Isn't that enough? Is he himself insatiable or does he realise that she is still not entirely happy/satisfied?

She asks for still more.
“If it please the king,” Queen Esther responded, “give the Jews of Susa permission to extend the terms of the order another day. And have the bodies of Haman’s ten sons hanged in public display on the gallows.”

So the carnage had almost certainly stopped in the provinces - there would have been no way of extending it one more day with no easy means of communication - but this would ensure that all sympathy for Haman in the capital would be squashed.
The king commanded it: The order was extended; the bodies of Haman’s ten sons were publicly hanged. The Jews in Susa went at it again. On the fourteenth day of Adar they killed another three hundred men in Susa. But again they took no plunder.

It made me wonder how I, as a Christ-follower, deal with those who have fallen out of favour with the authorities.  If it is someone who has hurt or offended me, perhaps I could identify with Esther and the Jews; but if I am more of a bystander - perhaps a colleague has been reprimanded for a work offence - do I make sure I am 'in' with management, or do I offer sympathy and support. Or is it possible to do both?

Jesus preached love and forgiveness. Perhaps I am missing the point. Perhaps this is simply a story of how God loves his people so much that he WILL protect and save them, and that those who are enemies should be warned. Or perhaps I can still grieve for an 'enemy's' misfortune while still maintaining an attitude of justice.

And perhaps, like the Jews, I should be ready to celebrate extravagantly when justice is done:

"I will talk to others all day long about your justice and your goodness. For all who tried to hurt me have been disgraced and dishonoured." Psalm 71:24

"Meanwhile in the rest of the king’s provinces, the Jews had organized and defended themselves, freeing themselves from oppression. On the thirteenth day of the month of Adar, they killed seventy-five thousand of those who hated them but did not take any plunder. The next day, the fourteenth, they took it easy and celebrated with much food and laughter. But in Susa, since the Jews had banded together on both the thirteenth and fourteenth days, they made the fifteenth their holiday for laughing and feasting. (This accounts for why Jews living out in the country in the rural villages remember the fourteenth day of Adar for celebration, their day for parties and the exchange of gifts.)

Mordecai wrote all this down and sent copies to all the Jews in all King Xerxes’ provinces, regardless of distance, calling for an annual celebration on the fourteenth and fifteenth days of Adar as the occasion when Jews got relief from their enemies, the month in which their sorrow turned to joy, mourning somersaulted into a holiday for parties and fun and laughter, the sending and receiving of presents and of giving gifts to the poor."


Esther 9:10 - 22

Monday, 1 September 2014

Dealing with difficult relationships: finding forgiveness

Grappling with understanding the title (above) and the labels (below), I found some useful resources:
Dealing with a surprise attack when someone says or does something unexpectedly hurtful or nasty. And the topic of forgiveness comes at me everywhere I turn: Faith Barista, a sermon in church on anger and forgiveness...the book 31 Days to Lovely by Sarah Hawkes Valente, which is proving INVALUABLE.

Of course, dealing with these things involves humbling myself: wow, how I DON'T like to do that. BUT:
For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory. Psalm 149:4  And I have found great encouragement in Psalm 139:23 - 24 which says "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see f there  be ANY WICKED WAY IN ME, and LEAD ME IN THE WAY EVERLASTING.

The way everlasting. The way with God. No other way will bring me the peace and contentment I long for. Sarah Markley says:

"we fail and we fall. We shouldn’t do so on purpose to exhaust His grace, but we all make bad choices and decisions once in awhile. When we do, can we see the beauty in the dust? Can we look for that? Or do we hate our mistakes so much that the beauty that He is longing to show us in the ashes is lost?
He is longing to show us the beauty.
It’s so easy to loathe ourselves. We pile hatred onto our fragile souls. We fail and make mistakes and we hate what we’ve done. Even failures can open doors but sometimes we are too blind to notice.
...What is He longing to show us? That even in our sins, even in our mistakes and misjudgments, He is still there. He is always there. And He is close and good and He hasn’t changed. He is brushing His fingers in the dirty ashes, trying to show us the beauty there.
So, as I struggle with unforgiveness, God is helping me everywhere I look. I have just been sent a free book to review, part of the Everyday Matters Bible Study series on developing spiritual disciplines. The title of the book I have been 'randomly' (God-chosen) sent? Forgiveness.  !!
And Peter Jobes, of Sixty Stadia, has just written a remarkable post. (I love his blog anyway, but the fact that he is a good friend of my gorgeous daughter-in-law Adele is a wonderful bonus.)  Peter says

"It’s quite simple, really, you feel wronged by a situation, circumstance or person and you decide that the answer lies in you putting it right....
....there are a thousand little ways this thinking can creep into our lives if we don’t guard against it. It’s a desire to get up and fight for what we perceive are our interests, even though we know we have a God who promises to do so. It’s a pride problem.
We serve a God who goes ahead of us, rustling through the tree tops to fight on our behalf before we even reach the field of battle (2 Chronicles 20:1-26). We serve a God who pledges His faithfulness to us and seals that promise in His own blood. We serve the Shepherd of Psalm 23 who prepares us a table in the very presence of our enemies. A God who thinned the ranks of Gideon’s army (Judges 7) so that the victory would be demonstrably miraculous. And yet we find ourselves thinking we can win under our own steam?
The truth is that there are many times when faced with a circumstance that the answer isn’t found in our desire to fight it but in our ability to take rest in Him. Where we stop and hand off to Him, His strength is perfected in our weakness.
When the Children of Israel reached the Red Sea they faced what seemed to be an insurmountable problem. God had led them, literally, between the devil and the deep blue sea. The Egyptian army closed in on them and with nowhere to go they started to doubt their deliverance; once again they entered confusion as their enemies seemed to prosper and Moses stood up and gave some wisdom.
The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.  Exodus 14:14 (NKJV)
Or, as other translations put it, we need only to be still, to be silent. When we seek our own path, to our own idea of justice, it’s not about God any more but about our being seen to triumph. Like Caesar returning to Rome, we want a parade of victory but part of being a follower of Christ is that the parade of victory is His.
It can be difficult in life at times, when you want to resolve problems in human fashion and yet know God’s will is for you to hold your peace. It’s so easy to either ignore it and make a mess, or instead revel in the feeling of being a victim, yet we must do neither. We must find a place of peace, and let God set our world to rights.
My prayer is that I will grow more and more into a person whose default behaviour isn’t to strap on the boxing gloves and go twelve rounds with a problem, making more mess, but to hand it over to the one who has already promised to deal with it.
It’s not about being passive, it’s not about being cowed and broken. It’s about having the courage to stand and pray and believe in God’s definition of setting things right above our own.
Finally, a little Bible study guide arrived in the post. I signed up for a copy of 'Everyday Matters Bible Studies for women' which cover a full range of spiritual practices.  There were twenty-four possible topics ranging from Bible Study and Meditation to Worship...I got...yes...wait for it... FORGIVENESS!
#lookingforwardto #gettingstarted #onthatonetoo
And for inspiration: The Forgiveness Project.
And finally: "...while some friendships won’t last forever, never lose hope that God can heal all wounds. Never lose hope that rich friendships can still be found." 



Sunday, 31 August 2014

Back to basics

This is the thing.

As I read blogs and tussle with myself, digging myself out of the dark hole I have stumbled into, I keep on rediscovering old truths.

God loves me.
I am inherently sinful.
God still loves me anyway.
God doesn't just love me - he is crazy mad about me.
God is immense and immanent - this is beyond my understanding, but he is simultaneously Creator of stars whose energy I cannot begin to fathom and is also closer to me than my own skin. God is outside of time and space and ....

Psalm 18:20 - 28 holds a special truth for me this week.

The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
For I have kept the ways of theLord;
I am not guilty of turningfrom my God.
All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
The Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.


And I look at this and I wonder how it can be true.  Commentaries such as Barnes say: "The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness - That is, he saw that I did not deserve the treatment which I received from my enemies, and therefore he interposed to save me. Compare the note at Psalm 17:3.
According to the cleanness of my hands - So far as my fellow-men are concerned. I have done them no wrong."


And yes, I get that. If my conscience is CLEAR BEFORE GOD - not before the Accuser or my own self-doubt, mistress that I am of Second-guessing and the What-ifs - then I know that my relationship with God is right.

But my conscience is not always clear. I am sinful by nature.
Psalm 51:5 says:  Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
And this is true.
But this is also true: because of Jesus, I am made clean. Because Jesus died in my place, took my punishment, I have not been dealt with according to my (un)righteousness. 

I can stand blameless before God.

By my conscience is not clear. And so, as I go back to basics, I realise anew that my conscience will indeed not be clear because I am sinful by nature. And because God has forgiven me and will forgive me every time I turn to Him in sorrow for my sins and mistakes, I do not need to beat myself up more than is necessary to bring me to my knees in confession. 

This is me. Sinning, sinful, blundering through life, making mistakes, offending others...ME. AND I AM A PRECIOUS DAUGHTER OF GOD, MUCH-LOVED, BEAUTIFUL IN HIS EYES, LOVED AND FORGIVEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Aaaah.

This is what Kirsten Strong Chasing Blue Skies says: the verses from Isaiah have always been encouraging, even more so at the moment. Last week, at Spring Harvest, we studied them again, too.

"Sometimes a new beginning soars on wings of glorious success. Sometimes it takes off and crashes, leaving you flat out laid out. And when that happens, I want to tear out of there and scurry my red-faced self off to safety rather than shake the embarrassment off my skin and out of my hair.
20140829_KristenStrong_holdinghands
Tearing away tempts, but trying again trusts. 
I try again because I’m already hidden in Christ, so there’s no need to hide anywhere else.
I try again because God is the generous giver of fresh starts, and grabbing one means I accept that my rocky start is a bump in the story, not the end of it.
Trying again is knowing hope always moves toward the surface, anxious to comfort and hold you. 
So, for all those facing a new beginning this season – especially those whose new beginning took a tumble - I offer you this prayer from God’s heart to your own. May it remind you that even the most fledgling of starts can turn into your favorite stories.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I stepped out to make a place for myself, and I tripped up rather than took off. I feel embarrassed, nervous, worn out and just plain tried out. I know You understand, and because of You, this stumbling block to my new beginning is only a part of my story rather than the end of it.
Where would any of us be without Your daily (hourly?) offerings of fresh starts? A splayed-out mess at the bottom of the stairs, that’s where. Thank You for giving me a fresh start right here, right now. Thank You for showing me that walking in Your will is walking in success. Thank You for giving me a sure identity in You, not in outcomes.
When I contemplate retreating, let me retreat in Your love. When I think about running, let me run confidently forward in the abundant gifts You’ve tailor-made specifically for me. Give me the ability to see how my decisions today affect the story of my future. When I flip through the memory books of my life, may I see plenty evidence of taking Your hand and walking courageously in Your plans for me. Along the way, may I learn the art of taking myself less seriously. And thank You that no matter if I fly or fall, You make every story good.
And You end every story well.
In the name of Jesus, the One Who is head over heels in love with me,
Amen







Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Life lessons

Woke this morning with these words from Isaiah 65:17 - 18 in my head:
“See, I will create
new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
nor will they come to mind.
But be glad and rejoice forever
in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
and its people a joy."


Why, I wonder?

I have been struggling with hurt and betrayal and forgiveness and loss and grief - on many, many levels.
Struggling with trying to learn the lessons God wants to teach me, while my spirit keeps shouting "Not fair! Not fair! Not me! Why me?"
Struggling with those questions while my spirit keeps shouting "Why not you? You are so privileged and blessed, treat all this as a gift from the Lord."

I am having lots of help dealing with my attitude:

Kristen Welch says: "The reality is Jesus pushes on the tender places for our good. 

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?  If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.  Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!  They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peacefor those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:7-11

Turning into the pain and asking God to show us the troubled spots gives us depth and makes us more like Jesus. He allows it–not to hurt us–but to ultimately heal us because we are more apt to seek Him when we are hurting.

When Christ pushes on our vulnerable places–the valley of depression, the abiding loneliness, the dark fear, the need to control–it actually creates a deeper intimacy with Him.

We all have painful places in our heart, wounds from other people or from hardships in this life.

We have a couple choices: we can talk about how much we hurt or pretend we don’t at all. Or we can let Jesus massage the pain away and ultimately allow our weakness to make us stronger.

When He presses in, lean into Him. He can redeem our pain and create something beautiful from it."

Then Bob posted this:
Jan. 15. Love when difficult

Scripture: “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44).

Word of Expectation: American is deeply divided politically and ethnically. Jesus calls us to live with a supernatural attitude toward those we do not agree with. Those who mistreat us are to receive love from us instead of anger or revenge. We owe kindness to those who are unkind to us. God will show up when we do this.

Prayer: God of mercy, you have been so kind to me. You overlook my faults every day. Help me today to live the supernatural life in your graciousness. Please empower me, and let me see you in a fresh way today. Amen.


And then I read this:
"Sweet friend, I know how it feels to want to completely shut down when life gets challenging and things happen that we don't understand. But if we pull away from praying, reading our Bible and going to church in hard times - we just suffer. If we stay committed to doing those things that keep us connected with God, we will experience an intimacy and power in the midst of our suffering we can’t get any other way." ~ Lysa TerKeurst
And this:
"Do you meet aggression with aggression and call it strength? Sometimes I do and it leads me to a place I never intended.

Jesus is teaching me to replace aggression with vulnerable strength.

Vulnerable strength isn't a verbal assault. It's when we speak the truth in love, but let it settle rather than hammer it in.

Vulnerable strength isn't an emotional outburst, rather it's working through misunderstanding.

Vulnerable strength isn't one-sided, but it's stepping into another person's shoes for a moment to expand your understanding of the conflict."
~@Suzie Eller

And, finally:

"We are the beloved of the LORD, and we can rest between His shoulders. Are you hurting? Does life feel intolerable in this moment? Your Father is there.

There is nothing too big He cannot carry.

Peel away those layers of resistance, and let Him know a rest is needed.

Invite Him to come and see the pain–

The One who longs for your company

The One who yearns to walk life’s journey with you

Without hesitation, reach arms high. Let Him rescue. He promises to carry you. Without hesitation, He’ll set you right between His shoulders. Our Father is big and strong. You are secure. You are shielded.

You are the one He loves.

An amazing ride awaits you with an amazing view. Rest high and lifted up."

All wise advice.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Courageous choices


Quoting Thought for the Day by Lysa Terkeust over at Faith Gateway: "Making a courageous choice means walking on the path of discipline in the area of our food choices. It’s coming to the realization that changes need to be made — and making those changes in the quietness of the pantry, when no one else is looking.
You see, there are two kinds of courage. There’s the courageous act, which is what makes our heart beat fast when the knight fights the dragon or the firefighter rushes into the burning building. These are extreme events most of us won’t ever face. And because most of us aren’t put in positions to participate in a courageous act, we don’t necessarily think of ourselves as courageous.

But there’s a second kind of courage that is widely available but not widely embraced. It’s the courageous choice. This is the decision to do the right thing even when it’s unpopular, uncelebrated, and probably even unnoticed.

The right thing is to make healthier choices for ourselves. The right thing is to satisfy our deepest needs with God, not food. It’s the choice to walk willingly on the path of discipline in the area of our food choices. It’s coming to the realization that changes need to be made — and making those changes in the quietness of the pantry, when no one else is looking.

It’s respecting ourselves enough to be courageous for us.

It is possible to quiet the battle in your mind. It is possible to make the courageous choice. It is possible to stand in that pantry and declare you were made to consume food but food was never meant to consume you. It is possible to consume only that which will add to your health and not take away from it. It is possible.

So make that choice. And then make it again. And then make it again."

So as I struggle with forgiveness and fear and letting go, I need to remember to make courageous choices. I need to remember not to worry so much about being wise as to trust God.

Let.It.Go

After a series of minor yet unfortunate events yesterday, and conversations around fear, and forgiveness, and trust, and betrayal, and needs and wants...so far, in the first few minutes of today, I have received:
 and...
"sometimes God asks me to do something that seems just as impossible. That happens when He leads me into the harder parts of my faith.That looks different for all of us, but for me it was to forgive those who had hurt me in my past. God was nudging me to soar, but in order to do that I had to let go and trust that He knew what was ahead)." (Suzie Eller, writing for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

On Saturday I will be speaking about forgiveness. And forgiving myself. Suzie again: she talks about how it 
is not our job to forgive ourselves:
"Yes, we confess that sin.
Yes, we make peace with others, as far as it is possible.
But accepting His forgiveness allows you to live fully in today. Your sin is reframed through His grace, and you are free to discover what God has for you today.
Print this out (click for printable) and place it on your bathroom mirror, or in your Bible, or on the refrigerator.
Read it out loud daily until it feels like truth inside of your heart.
When you look in the mirror, say these words: I am forgiven.
Let that forgiveness propel you discover what it means to live free and filled with Him
."

And yet...

The comments on Suzie's blog about forgiving ourselves are really helpful:
Kristen says: "had an issue 8 months ago where I was hurt very badly by someone. I was so angry and resentful that I could not get it out of my mind. I even dreamed about it for months. I couldn’t focus on projects that I wanted to complete, which was odd for me. It was like I was consumed. I worked with a life coach who helped me to realize that I was in spiritual warfare and this unforgiveness had become a stronghold. She advised me to pray for the person that I needed to forgive whenever I had the negative thoughts. I was amazed that it actually worked! I truly feel set free. God is amazing! One thing that Suzie says in her book is that Christ sets us free from the bondage of our sin AND the sin of others. The person who offended me may never apologize, but God has set me free from her sin."
This is really helpful. Remembering – and finding the strength – to pray for the person who has hurt us is so hard and liberating and freeing all at once. We are indeed in a battle.

Mandy Young says:
 "God will only give you what you can handle,
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,
When you start to doubt that’s when God gives you more (faith) to prove that you can get through it."

Monday, 13 May 2013

Value

Hmmm - I didn't expect to be jotting down any thoughts this morning when, out of the blue, a verse thumped me. Hard.
A few minutes after I'd read a post from Holley Gerth about value, I turned to my daily reading.
Luke 16: 15.
"He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts.What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight."
And to think I always read this as just being about money. *sigh
Because of course it isn't. It IS about money and material possessions, but also about ownership and achievement. Position and progress. Rights and reputation. My whole life.

As I wrestle with bringing to an end a (formerly close and trusting) relationship - not my wish, this longing-for-reconciliation-and-healing-oriented-girl - I write and rewrite a (hopefully) healing email.
Would I like to receive these words? I ponder as I write, and wait, and revisit, and pray, and wait...wait to send my response and bring closure. Forgiveness and puzzlement and hurt and betrayal and love and desire-for-healing-whatever-that-might-look-like jostle in my heart.
As thoughts and feelings wrestle and scream, demanding my attention, I realise that my desire for other people's value has brought me pain.

The desire to receive value from my former friends.
Recognition.
Affirmation.
Approval.
Appreciation.
Support.
Acceptance.
Love.
Trust.
Reputation.

So as I struggle with feelings of disapproval, rejection, betrayal, criticism and denial of my worth, I realise that no amount of words or actions will heal my aching heart.
Because if I value any of the (very good, God-given) 'things' in my life above God, then they must be detestable in God's sight.
For he says:
"You are to worship no other gods before me—My presence is enough." Deuteronomy 5:7, The Voice.
No wonder that I am struggling. I am asking God to restore me when I am looking in the wrong place.
So I recognise my sin. I beg His forgiveness, so readily given in Jesus. I surrender my desires and look to Him.
Because He loves me. He gives me value. He is enough.
As Holley says: "dare to accept that what Jesus says about you is genuine–that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter how you feel.
It’s true."
I am precious in his sight, and that is all that really matters.
Wow.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

If you want to follow ME....Luke 9:23

Luke 9: 23-26: part of Living and Leading Like Jesus - Good Morning Girls study.
"Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I’m leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels." (The Message)

I've been thinking a great deal about sacrifice recently. The version of verse 23 which I learnt in song all those years ago says: "If you want to follow me, you must DENY yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow me." I know that every time I am faced with a sacrifice, I dont face up to it. I hear myself saying, "No, I don't want to." Or just "No, I...." That little word with huge consequences in the middle of self-Indulgent, selfIsh, self....

So as we approach Easter - the joy and confusion of Maundy Thursday, the agony and sorrow of Good Friday, the hopelessness of Holy Saturday and the breathtaking elation of Easter Sunday - which bit of 'I' do we need to lose? Maybe this week is a good time to review the give and take of forgiveness, and how 'I' gets in the way; or the Inertia and self-gratIfIcatIon of a 'too busy life'; or....

A good week to review how 'I' gets in the way of following Him. With a small i in the middle of His Kingdom.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Love your enemies: Luke 6: 27 - 35

'Forgiveness' has been one of my words for this year. ('Grace' is, obviously, another. Can't have forgiveness without huge heaps of grace.)
So we talked about it at breakfast yesterday.  This was my summary of all the wise advice that has been floating around this week:

Go to Him and pray for a heart that forgives
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Be kinder than you feel..
Be generous with grace, faith and love.
Pray for blessing

Power verses:
Proverbs 17:9 NIV
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
Luke 6:27 – 28, 35 - 36
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you ...
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Romans 12:20,21
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

We talked about forgiving 'big' things, about who our 'enemies' are - how difficult that is, to use such a strong word. We talked about how it is sometimes easier to forgive a stranger than a friend, whose words hurt more; about forgiving attacks which are more personal...we talked of grace, and kindness, and love which covers over many an offense. We talked of courage to deal with 'stuff' kindly.

We moved on to a single verse which we studied this week: Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

We need to 'pray for those who cut us off in traffic, for those who have said unkind words, for those who left and didn’t come back, and for those who couldn’t keep their promises.'

Bible Gateway's devotional for Lent suggested this prayer:


Lord Jesus Christ, who commanded us to love our enemies and all those who insult and hurt us, and to pray for them and forgive them; you yourself prayed for your enemies, who crucified you. Give us, we pray, a spirit of Christian reconciliation and meekness, so that we may forgive every injury and be reconciled with our enemies. Grant us Christian meekness and true love of our neighbor. Give to our enemies true peace and forgiveness of sins; and do not allow them to leave this life without true faith and sincere conversion. Help us to repay evil with goodness. — adapted from the Orthodox "Prayer for Enemies"

Forgiveness is an integral part of the Easter story. Who in my life needs to be forgiven today? Who do I need to ask for forgiveness? This week, can I consider extending the hand of forgiveness to somebody who needs it?



Saturday, 29 December 2012

A different route...?


Bonnie from Faith Barista is blogging at incourage about a different route. Just as the wise men, still journeying on, had to go a different way, so we are called to go on a different route sometimes.
So, what is the different route God is calling me to take? Well, it's NOT a DIFFERENT route. It is just a route I don't take very often or journey down very well.  I crawl laboriously forward, often slipping off the side of the road into the mud of resentment or the ditch of bitterness.
It is the route of FORGIVENESS.
I know I need to forgive the person who has hurt me who is ALWAYS right, never wrong. The person who wounded me out of mental illness, demanding actions and attitudes which could not be met.
I know Jesus whispers to me of how he had to do this, too. To forgive, when no wrong has been acknowledged let alone forgiveness asked. To forgive, not expecting any reward or return. To forgive unconditionally.
The route of forgiveness is one I need to walk over and and over again. I need to pick up my pace, walking more surefootedly than I have done before. I need to keep on going, keeping in mind my destination of holiness rather than looking at the uneven ground of snide remarks, unkind comments or downright rudeness. I need to gaze towards my goal and not look at the barriers of rejection or hurt or anger.
I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, THE author and perfecter of MY faith.

And I need to listen to and hear God encouraging me — in that quiet voice — to take the next step to my heart’s homecoming.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Life is messy...

I've been reflecting recently on how messy life can be.  Even when things are going fine on the surface, underneath is a mess of misunderstandings, imperfect relationships and a bad case of 'foot in mouth' syndrome: aka 'saying the wrong thing' = tactlessness.  In fact, tactless should probably be my middle name.
And so, while I pay lip service to 'accepting my imperfections', 'coming humbly before the throne of God' etc etc, the reality is that every time I mess up it is a big deal.
So here are some thought-provoking links.
The first, is on the necessity of living - imperfectly - in community.  Ann Voskamp writes, reflects, blogs, publishes - 'One Thousand Gifts' has been inspirational.  I'll read this again when tempted to beat myself up over my mistakes.
The second is on reconciliation (which Ann touches on in the first blog post above).  This is what I read:
"HURT HAPPENS. If you haven’t already experienced this today, it’s coming soon…Somebody says something that grieves somebody else. Maybe intentionally, maybe not. Maybe it was by you, maybe it was to you. Either way, feelings are hurt or anger is stirred or withdrawal has happened.What now? God wants you to make the first move toward healing, regardless of who made the first cut. As you tell your kids, “Kiss and make up.” Or in grown-up lingo, be a “minister of reconciliation.”Whatever you call it, it’s your calling."
I'm fine with that, honestly.  Now I've just got to work on forgiving myself...

Monday, 5 March 2012

Grace and forgiveness

A sweet little reminder from Tracie Miles...

" 'God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.' Romans 5:20 (NLT)
He appeared out of nowhere. Blue lights burst on right about the time I laid eyes on his intimidating, unmarked SUV.
Immediately I checked the speedometer. It confirmed what the officer knew: I was speeding. A sinking feeling knotted my stomach as I prepared to receive the punishment for my inadvertent disobedience of the traffic laws.
I watched in my rear view mirror as the police car crept up behind me. With driver’s license and registration in hand, my fingers tapped in irritation on the steering wheel. My scowl deepened as I impatiently waited for the policeman to walk to my window. “Ma’am, I stopped you for speeding. Driver’s license and registration please.”
Then it happened. The unexpected. The unwarranted. The undeserved.
The policeman glanced into my car and checked out my passengers (including my three deer-in-the-headlights kids in the back seat). Then he startled us all by blurting out a big ol’ Southern “Hey!” to my husband, calling him by name.
Apparently they had grown up in church together and proceeded to spend a couple of friendly minutes reacquainting. He handed back my license and registration and gave me a smile. “Slow it down please, and have a good day.”
We sat stunned and breathed a collective sigh of relief as I drove away – slowly, I might add.
I had not paid attention to the guidelines set forth. My guilt was obvious, and I had no excuse. I deserved to suffer the consequences, but instead I was given grace.
Grace is undeserved favor or pardon. We can’t earn it or buy it. It’s something the giver bestows out of the goodness and love in their heart. The Bible tells countless stories of people who received grace, including prostitutes, unfaithful marriage partners, deceivers, thieves, liars and more. Their sins deserved a punishment, but when they asked God for forgiveness, His grace wiped their guilt away. They were treated as pardoned offenders – just as I was.
In today’s key verse, Paul is reminding the people of Corinth that despite their sin, God is good, and the Giver of grace. It serves as a reminder that God not only offers grace – He offers it in abundance. The more we need, the more we get.
Although God hates sin because it separates us from Him and ushers pain into our lives, His grace is available no matter how big our offense may be. And when we receive the pardon that was paid through the sacrifice of His Son, and begin a relationship with Jesus Christ, we receive grace, forgiveness and mercy.
As much as I appreciated the grace extended to me from the officer that day, it paled in comparison to God’s grace. You see, the officer’s grace was one of kindness, but not one of redemptive love. It was a grace of compassion, but not the life-saving grace Jesus gives.
The truth is, I deserved a speeding ticket that day but grace was given. In the same way, although we deserve punishment for sin, God’s forgiveness and favor are offered anyway… through the gift of His unexpected, unwarranted and undeserved grace.
Dear Lord, thank You for the undeserved gift of grace. Forgive my sins, and shower me with Your favor, even though it is undeserved. Thank You for loving me enough to grant me pardon for my mistakes. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Inspiration on FORGIVENESS from Martin Luther King

“First, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. It is impossible even to begin the act of loving one’s enemies without the prior acceptance of the necessity, over and over again, of forgiving those who inflict evil and injury upon us. It is also necessary to realize that the forgiving act must always be initiated by the person who has been wronged, the victim of some great hurt, the recipient of some tortuous injustice, the absorber of some terrible act of oppression. The wrongdoer may request forgiveness. He may come to himself, and, like the prodigal son, move up some dusty road, his heart palpitating with the desire for forgiveness. But only the injured neighbor, the loving father back home, can really pour out the warm waters of forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning. It is the lifting of a burden or the canceling of a debt. The words ‘I will forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you’ve done’ never explain the real nature of forgiveness. Certainly one can never forget, if that means erasing it totally from his mind. But when we forgive, we forget in the sense that the evil deed is no longer a mental block impeding a new relationship. Likewise, we can never say, ‘I will forgive you, but I won’t have anything further to do with you.’ Forgiveness means reconciliation, a coming together again. Without this, no man can love his enemies
“The degree to which we are able to forgive determines the degree to which we are able to love our enemies.
“Second, we must recognize that the evil deed of the enemy-neighbor, the thing that hurts, never quite expresses all that he is. An element of goodness may be found even in our worst enemy. Each of us has something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves. A persistent civil war rages within all of our lives. Something within us causes us to lament with Ovid, the Latin poet, ‘I see and approve the better things, but follow worse,’ or to agree with Plato that human personality is like a charioteer having two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in a different direction, or to repeat with the Apostle Paul, ‘The good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.’
“This simply means that there is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. When we look beneath the surface, beneath. the impulsive evil deed, we see within our enemy-neighbor a measure of goodness and know that the viciousness and evilness of his acts are not quite representative of all that he is. We see him in a new light. We recognize that his hate grows out of fear, pride, ignorance, prejudice, and misunderstanding, but in spite of this, we know God’s image is ineffably etched in being. Then we love our enemies by realizing that they are not totally bad and that they are not beyond the reach of God’s redemptive love.
“Third, we must not seek to defeat or humiliate the enemy but to win his friendship and understanding. At times we are able to humiliate our worst enemy. Inevitably, his weak moments come and we are able to thrust in his side the spear of defeat. But this we must not do. Every word and deed must contribute to an understanding with the enemy and release those vast reservoirs of goodwill which have been blocked by impenetrable walls of hate.
“Let us move now from the practical how to the theoretical why: Why should we love our enemies? The first reason is fairly obvious. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.
“So when Jesus says ‘Love your enemies,’ he is setting forth a profound and ultimately inescapable admonition. Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies-or else? The chain reaction of evil-hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars-must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
“Another reason why we must love our enemies is that hate scars the soul and distorts the personality. Mindful that hate is an evil and dangerous force, we too often think of what it does to the person hated. This is understandable, for hate brings irreparable damage to its victims. We have seen its ugly consequences in the ignominious deaths brought to six million Jews by hate-obsessed madman named Hitler, in the unspeakable violence inflicted upon Negroes by bloodthirsty mobs, in the dark horrors of war, and in the terrible indignities and injustices perpetrated against millions of God’s children by unconscionable oppressors.
“But there is another side which we must never overlook. Hate is just as injurious to the person who hates. Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.
“A third reason why we should love our enemies is that love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, hate destroys and tears down; by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power.
“The relevance of what I have said to the crisis in race relations should be readily apparent. There will be no permanent solution to the, race problem until oppressed men develop the capacity to love their enemies. The darkness of racial injustice will be dispelled only by the light of forgiving love. For more than three centuries American Negroes have been battered by the iron rod of oppression, frustrated by day and bewildered by night by unbearable injustice and burdened with the ugly weight of discrimination. Forced to live with these shameful conditions, we are tempted to become bitter and to retaliate with a corresponding hate. But if this happens, the new order we seek will be little more than a duplicate of the old order. We must in strength and humility meet hate with love.
“My friends, we have followed the so-called practical way for too long a time now, and it has led inexorably to deeper confusion and chaos. Time is cluttered with the wreckage of communities which surrendered to hatred and violence. For the salvation of our nation and the salvation of mankind, we must follow another way.
“While abhorring segregation, we shall love the segregationist. This is the only way to create the beloved community.
“To our most bitter opponents we say: ‘We shall match your capacity to inflict suffering by our capacity to endure suffering. We shall meet your physical force with soul force. Do to us what you will, and we shall continue to love you. We cannot in all good conscience obey your unjust laws because noncooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. Throw us in jail and we shall still love you. Bomb our homes and threaten our children, and we shall still love you. Send your hooded perpetrators of violence into our community at the midnight hour and beat us and leave us half dead, and we shall still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. One day we shall win freedom but not only for ourselves. We shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process and our victory will be a double victory.’”

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Forgiveness

Hmmm. I am astonished to see that, as yet, I have no posts on forgiveness.  Astonished because it's not as if I haven't had to practise - or receive - forgiveness!  I guess it just hasn't seemed important enough to blog about. Or I haven't wanted to approach that level of honesty here...

Yet Ayla has inspired me to be honest.  And Lysa has at Proverbs 31 Ministries offered some superb advice.

I wish I'd seen it a year or so ago.  Out of the blue, I received a long (several pages) email from a 'friend' - acquaintance would be unkind, as we had been in a Bible study group together.  (You would think that should unite us, wouldn't you?). The email was long, accusatory, furious.

The 'friend' had a history of mental illness - I hadn't seen her for some time: she had, apparently, recovered and was stable.  That made things more difficult since I couldn't, in all honesty, just put the email down to a 'blip' in her recovery.

As with all these things, there was a tiny grain of truth in a beachful of lies. I didn't know how to respond.

In the end, not knowing how ill she was, and not wanting to make things worse, I simply sent a short email, apologising for having (apparently) hurt her. Dropped a card and flowers on her doorstep.  Deleted the email. Tried to put it all behind me.

It was a salutary experience. It opened my eyes to the demands of perfectionism - in this woman, and in myself.

It's quite hard to be reminded that my relationships are not perfect. That I am not universally perceived as being 'nice'. That there are relationships in my life that are not happy, nor satisfying. That I fail. For that, I need to forgive myself, too.

God has shone his light on this area of my life to remind me that the bad news is that I am NOT perfect. And the good news? He's not finished with me yet!  Hallelujah!

And here is some more encouragement from Lysa Terkeust on keeping the peace, too...

This situation is a constant challenge: to practise forgiveness, to extend grace, to BE as nearly like Jesus as I can get. I have to renew my attitude daily, continue to extend love in my heart and practice what I preach: forgiveness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness.