Listening. in silence. with grief. and thankfulness

A couple of weeks ago, I thought I'd have a go at becoming an incourage.me guest writer: an ambitious undertaking at which I was not successful: they chose 22 submissions out of 150. (Which was not as much as I thought, but nevertheless...) 

So now I am free to post my little attempts. This is the first:

To the lonely, the grieving, the newly-orphaned, the empty-nesters. Words of comfort.

It catches me unawares, this sudden grief. It deluges me as I pack the Christmas ornaments away, each little memento reminding me of Christmases past when my family was together. When we were all younger and the veil of Past Christmases casts its rosy glow over my memories.

Or I am flooded with regret, as I look back at relationships now gone for ever, as family members have passed on. The Shouldhaves shout loudly at my bruised heart which aches from lost opportunities.

And then there is simply the loneliness as a friend moves away or a spouse is lost.

And I, too, am lost. Sliding down a helter-skelter, buffeted by feelings.

I sit, alone, in a silent room. And start listening.

My heart brings Scripture to me. Psalm 34:17 - 18: “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted  and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

He does? I think. I know that what the Bible says is true. It doesn’t feel like that, though, so I grab the words with my mind, hanging my thoughts onto the precious words. I repeat them to myself, again and again. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. I am crushed. He saves me. He saves me.

And the still small voice inside my heart whispers: “Be thankful.”

And I remember:

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who long for your saving help always say, ‘The Lord is great!’

Loss and recovery

I have to record this, as a way of processing emotions at a very happy time. I'm getting to some kind of resolution now, I think. Though it is, indeed, a process.

Our daughter had just married.  My heart was filled with sadness.

Don’t get me wrong. We are DELIGHTED for her, in every way. Her wedding day was completely wonderful. She has married a wonderful Christian man who shares her dreams, passions and vision, as well as many of her interests. He is intentional – as she is – about life, living for God, serving Him in everything they do. They have both lived, separately, lives where they work for charities which serve the poor and now work in an underdeveloped country among people who need help in meeting  the basis needs of life. Not only that, but our son-in-law is from a wonderful family. His parents have served as missionaries in Africa and know some of our dearest friends who are still there, even though we all live on different continents now.

Different continents. Part of the reason for my sadness.

Five years ago, my daughter left the UK to continue her work for a charity which helps people who are in desperate need because of debt. In New Zealand. Once there, she fell in love with the country, decided to stay, applied successfully for residency. So that was that: she was committed to living on the other side of the world and would not be returning to settle.

We were glad for her. New Zealand is indeed a wonderful to live. We visited. We still kept in contact through skype and email, maintaining closeness.  As always, we prayed for her: for her health and well being, her work, her friendships, a future partner...and were delighted when she met ‘Someone Special’.  Even more pleased and thrilled when he proposed during our second visit. Excited for them both, when they suggested that the wedding should be held in New Zealand in an idyllic location on the family farm. Travelling to the other side of the world from our home in the UK seemed a small sacrifice to make for their happiness.

It made sense. Many of her friends – for it was four years now since she left the UK – were in New Zealand. Her husband comes from a large family of siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins. So, a Kiwi wedding: why not? A marquee on the edge of a beautiful harbour in New Zealand’s summer: what’s not to like? Again, we booked our flights. Wedding planning happened remotely over the next few months until we flew out again a couple of weeks before the big day.

The reunion was wonderful: we spent a few days together at a beach cottage, discussing wedding plans, drawing up to-do lists and itineraries, preparing wedding favours, going for a final fitting of The Dress.

And then it was all go for the final week before the wedding. Our son and daughter-in-law and other friends arrived and we journeyed north, staying in a house a few doors away from our son-in-law-to-be’s family. Days were spent preparing: wine-tasting before purchasing the table wine; hosting a bridal tea; making decorations and wedding cakes; setting up the marquee; a wedding rehearsal.

It was busy.

In the busyness, we found ourselves delighting in the company of our son and daughter-in-law and other friends who worked tirelessly to make our daughter’s day happen. We laughed, a lot: but less often with our daughter. She was flying around with her fiancé, checking out locations for the wedding photography or up at his family’s house with all his relatives. It seemed that she spent less and less time with us, as if she was already drawing away from her own family even before she officially joined his.

This was difficult for us, not only because we felt isolated and bereft but also because we were – and are – genuinely very happy for her. Conflicting emotions are never easy to deal with. We swallowed down the stress we felt, trying to maintain a happy atmosphere. We recognised that she was leaving and joining with her husband, but we still wanted her to be our daughter, with the close relationship we had always had. We knew this would not – could not – be possible in exactly the same way as before, but we continued to feel torn apart. 

We acknowledged, too, how hard it was for her as she tried to build new relationships, organising her wedding so that her family could enjoy the day without having to stress to ensure that all happened as it should. She worked incredibly hard to include everyone and make sure they had fun. And, in all the excitement of her wedding, she knew that she would be entering a stressful life period of change of friends, home, job, country.... 

But, of us, one of the hardest things to do was to let go of our daughter.

We did not feel this with our son: indeed, we have become closer since his marriage. We love his wife as if she was our own daughter; we love her parents, who have become such dear friends that they do indeed seem like family, just the same. But even then, we had recognised that the son leaves the parents and cleaves to the wife and that truth, somehow, had taken residence in our hearts.  We were able to let him go and, in doing so, began a new, more independent, relationship which has continued to develop. sEven though we have no expectation that they live near us, we know that visits are possible, even probable.

But my daughter is living on the other side of the world. We know that we will see her only rarely.

In our modern world, this separation becomes more and more likely. It may not be a continental divide, but even a two hour car journey may mean that parents see far less of their children than they would like to.

I have shared this pain with other friends. One woman’s daughter cut her off after the wedding: the relationship had been unusually close.  Now they are best friends again, but at the time it was as if the daughter had to create her own, married, identity away from her mother.  Another friend has not seen her daughter for over four years, as they now live on different continents thousands of miles apart. Yet another feels that her son has become more part of the other family than of his own: she feels a stranger when she visits.  A close friend confesses to feelings of intense jealousy towards her son-in-law’s parents, who live only minutes away from the couple.

We have had many years of being empty-nesters. We encouraged our children’s independence, not demanding weekly phone calls or regular visits once they had left home to go to uni, and then on into work. We wanted them to grow and develop to be the people God wants them to be, still with advice and guidance when appropriate, but no longer children in an emotional sense. We knew they needed to become individuals in their own right apart from us: indeed, we have tried to foster and encourage their independence since they were toddlers. But we now recognise that our daughter’s marriage, especially as her wedding took place somewhere which was not our own home, has finally and categorically sealed her departure from childhood into an independent life.

There were several things we knew we had to do.

1.       Hope. We knew, deep down, that we would not always feel as forlorn as we did just before and after the wedding. We clung on to the hope that, once our daughter had settled into her marriage, we would be able to regain a good measure of closeness. We knew that God would work our relationship out for good and His glory. We held on to hope.

2.       Pray. God knows the pain of separation more acutely than we do. He delights in our love for one another and our sacrifice in letting go. He is our Comforter, in every way. As we grappled with our feelings, we reflected on the pain our father must have felt as his son went to live on earth, coupled with the joy that awaited.  We held on to the truth of Hebrews 12:2, fixing our eyes on Jesus, who endured the cross because of the joy awaiting him. We began to accept sacrifice more than living with the sadness of loss.

3.       Continue in relationship. We would write and email our news and be available for skype or facetime chats. Just as God continually calls us to relationship with him, keeping us in his thoughts and demonstrating his love for us over and over again, so we too are called to love selflessly, regardless of how we might feel. Although my mind acknowledged that my daughter was on honeymoon immediately following the wedding, my heart just felt sore at her departure.  It seemed hard not to be in the same easy contact as we had always been, but, when the time seemed right, I emailed a chatty catch up.

4.       Let go of expectations. Of course we would love regular conversations, but these might not be possible in busy lives. We would learn to be alert for opportunities but not grieve if contact was less frequent than it had been.

5.       Refocus. As if we were youngsters leaving home for the first time, we had to build our lives without an undue focus on our children. Now would be the time to pursue new hobbies and interests, take up voluntary work, become more involved in the local community.

6.       Be positive and thankful. We thanked God for our daughter, for her husband, for his family. We thanked him that both our daughter and son-in-law are so committed to loving and serving him. We thanked God for life and promise and love in abundance. We thanked God.

As we did all this, our emotions started to catch up with head knowledge as we waited to reconnect.

Intellectually, we knew that we would, once our daughter had settled into her marriage, with the additional challenges and demands of living in a new country and embarking on a new career, regain some of that closeness again.  (Indeed, that happened far more quickly than we had imagined: almost as soon as they had returned from honeymoon and arrived in their new place.)

There were unforeseen benefits from this time of waiting:

1.       As we exercised our hope, we found it increased. We trusted more that God would bring our relationship back into order. We found it easier to wait.

2.       Prayer brought us closer to God. Our understanding of the tremendous sacrifice he made in sending Jesus deepened in a new way, as we reflected on the act of ‘giving away’ our daughter.

3.       Deciding to wait until the honeymoon was over – yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds but I felt quite desperate after waving my daughter off on her wedding night, with no communication since then – was an act of self-denial and discipline.  She had always kept in touch during her previous adventures, but this new Adventure into Marriage had to begin with her new husband alone. In fact, our daughter messaged us first and we were soon chatting again, catching up with her adventures and hearing about the joys of settling into married life on a tropical island. She began skyping as regularly as before.

4.       Letting go of our expectations helped ease us into our new relationship. Where, before her marriage, we had chatted to her on her own – particularly as her fiancé did not live in the same city, anyway – now we talked to both of them together. The period of no contact had given us a break and we were glad to be in communication again. Indeed, talking to both of them was a richer experience, in some ways. They were so happy, relaxed after the busyness of the wedding and enjoying the adventure of life as a couple.

5.       Refocusing our lives was a wake-up call. We had ‘let go’ of our children when they left home, finding a different way of living Life Without Kids, but had then become accustomed to a close relationship with our adult daughter.  We realised anew that we had entered a time of life – particularly as we faced retirement – when WE needed to become more independent.

6.       Being thankful healed our spirits as we reflected on God’s goodness.

Of course, we still look forward to the next time we will see the happy couple.   Now, beginning our own adventures and without living overmuch in future expectations, we are excited to see what God has for us.

Joyy to the worldd!

Joy.

I have been pondering the word all this last week, and now The Day has come, not of course the actual day but the Day when we remember that Joy has come into the world.

Joy: a way to live:
Jesus.
Other.
You.

And I know it in my mind and I speak it with my lips but sometimes, often, I just don't feel that joy in my heart. I CHOOSE joy, but I don't necessarily feel contentment or happiness or gladness or...
"delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation,rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, ebullience,exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, transports of delight,
rapture, radiance..."

This comes only occasionally. But it comes when Joy breaks through into our poor hurting world, when prayers are answered, miracles happen and I see the touch of God.

So here I am, Christmas Day, feeling all kinds of emotions which are not just pure joy, but one thing I know and feel: I am thankful.

I am thankful to be here surrounded by my family: Cat, Jonny, my beautiful-inside-and-out daughter-in-law Adele and my solid, grounded, caring, soon-to-be-son-in-law Andy; my lovely borrowed daughter Mags, and her delightful partner Louis; and funny Faith, generous and caring.  

And I am thankful to be in beautiful New Zealand, the surf rolling gently onto the shore beneath our balcony, the sun bright and the air clear...

And I am thankful to God's great gifts, for the gift of life and love and the eternal promises of Jesus, indeed the greatest gift of all.

And in the thankfulness, a tiny seed of joy begins to bubble deep inside me....

Thanksgiving: underpins everything

Hebrews 12:28 says, in the NIV:"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,"
In the King James version , it is: "let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:"
As for The Message: "Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire!"

Thankfulness leads to grace and WORSHIP.  And so: "Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father EVERY STEP OF THE WAY." Colossians 3:16

And I thank God for my lovely, faithful small group of ten years. TEN YEARS! Ten years of knowing each other intimately, sharing deepest joys, struggles and longings. Ten years of faithfulness.

Thanksgiving: thoughts today, the American holiday

I have followed Bonnie Gray - the Faith Barista - for several years and enjoy her writing, particularly in her book Spiritual Whitespace.

Today she has blessed me with her thoughts on being thankful, which is also published in Relevant magazine.

Here are 10 ways to redefine gratitude.

And it's not just about 'be thankful because it could be worse'. Cold comfort, at times:
"Here are 10 Ways God Redefines Gratitude

I'm thankful ..
1. I can be in need, so I can go on a new journey to find comfort. “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13).
2. I can feel sadness, so I don't have to live separated from my heart. I can cry and feel afraid because God loves all parts of my story. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book”( Psalm 56:8).
3. I don't have to want suffering, but I can choose to embrace it. Because God doesn't see it as shameful. "Do not be afraid. I have reclaimed you. I have called you by name; you are mine”( Psalm 43:1).
4. I can fall apart, because Jesus carries me when I’ve gone as far as I can go. “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you”( Isaiah 46:4).
5. For God's promises: I’ll never abandon you. I’m never going to leave you. “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in” (Psalm 27:10).
6. I can finally stop to look at my wounds and investigate how they got there.
7. I'm learning to say no in ways I've never dared—to say yes to me and yes to God.
8. I can remember the dreams I've given up, so I can ask God if any can be made new again.
9. I can ask God, "Is it too late?" and still doubt, because God is faithful even when I'm not. “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself” ( 2 Timothy 2:13).
10. I am finding new friends who understand that both sadness and joy can co-exist, who aren't trying to fix me. Friends who trust that love is greater than any resolution, who can be honest about their own stories.
We can go on because beautiful things can be found among the devastation of letting go. We can be broken and real, because Jesus still chooses you and me.
If God’s brought you on a journey through a season of brokenness, step out to give thanks. Not because you’re strong. Not because everything is picture perfect. But because you are loved."

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/10-ways-redefine-gratitude#jQcJTHpl6DuZG93U.99

I find this really useful. Struggling with a MAJOR decision - yes, really - I have been waking at night, fearful, and trying to remember to thank God in my fearfulness. Not with a 'cold comfort' idea but because being thankful turns my heart from fear to gratitude.

 And, while thinking of decision making, I noticed another little article on the same page in Relevant entitled "When Risking it All for God Means Staying Where You Are Why 'taking a risk for God' often means opening our eyes to confront the uncomfortable realities right where we are....
...
So how do you know whether taking a risk for God means staying or going? In my experience, it helps to consider a few things:

1. Scripture: Is leaving it all behind detrimental to the things God holds precious—marriage, promises, responsibility, etc? Or is fear ALONE keeping you where you are?

2. History: Did you just take a risk to go somewhere or do something new last week? Are you running away from something or someone?

3. Wise Counsel: What are trusted mentors, teachers, elders, your spouse or best friend saying to you? Has God revealed to them that the risk He wants you to take is to go, or to stay?

4. Peace: Can you have peace where you are or is there peace that comes with making a change? Has God revealed to you any hidden motives? Are you assured that you are already loved and that doing something “risky for God” is not going to make Him love you more?

As I’m reading Scripture, I see countless stories of men and women whose biggest challenge is not stepping out to go and follow God but continuing to follow Him. The biggest risk is often continuing to live in a God-honoring way, day in and day out, when it doesn’t feel like much of an adventure. It seems that many of us are in the same boat—where Jesus might be calling us to step out and walk on water, but He also might want us to just keep paddling."

So...step out of the boat: or keep on paddling? That is a very big question indeed.

Gratitude...

I'm reposting a lovely post from Amy Carroll from Proverbs 31 Ministries: A Cornucopia of contentment.

 "“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12 (NIV)

My grandparents were farmers on the plains of Kansas where the houses were separated by acres of wheat, so time with friends and neighbors was precious. One evening, a neighboring family came over for a meal at my grandma’s house.

My dad and aunt, still elementary-aged, played with the other kids until it was time to scoot up to the table ladened with food from the farm and garden — steaming vegetables, savory meat and sweet fruit pies. Home-cooked goodness passed around until every plate had mounds of food. A happy silence fell while everyone chewed. Suddenly, little Mary Jane, one of the neighbor’s daughters, piped up saying, “This steak is tough.” Her ever-vigilant mother cheerfully replied with just a hint of threat, “And that’s the way we like it. Isn’t it, Mary Jane?” We never have a gathering of our extended family when that quote isn’t evoked. Inevitably, someone will begin to complain and somebody else will say, “And that’s the way we like it. Isn’t it, Mary Jane?” No matter when it’s said or who says it, the whole group explodes in laughter. Maybe you have to be there to think it’s as funny as we do, but I’ll bet your family has a way to remind everyone to be thankful, too.

Just like our family, you find a way to rejoice through the awkward, difficult moments. As the holiday season starts, we try to focus on the blessings of life, yet the circumstances of life remain imperfect. The turkey is raw, or somebody’s mad. There’s not enough money to pay all the bills, or a loved one is missing from the table. You’re still longing for a baby, or your resume hasn’t landed on the right desk yet. No matter what the circumstance, big or small, there’s always something that makes life seem a little tougher than it should be.

Life was hard for Paul as he wrote our key verse from prison. Even so, he calls us to be content in need, when we feel the ache of lack, and in plenty, when self-sufficiency and the quest for more seem to invade. What was Paul’s secret weapon that led to contentment through tough times?

Gratitude. Eight times through the book of Philippians Paul uses the word “rejoice.” Gratitude is seeking out and finding joy no matter our circumstances. Can we do it alone? No. Even super-Apostle Paul follows today’s key verse with, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV-1984). It’s difficult to be thankful in imperfect circumstances, but Jesus enables us through His power. Jesus gives us spiritual abundance even when there’s lack in our reality.

As cornucopias, a symbol of abundance, fill the Pinterest boards and fall displays in the stores, memories of my grandma’s garden come rushing back. The harvest from her garden that later filled her table didn’t look like the perfect produce department in my local grocery store. Pumpkins from her garden were flat on one side, and the cabbage was often laced with insect holes. Fruit had bruises and vegetables showed signs of too much or too little rain.

Life is like that too, yet an imperfect life can be a cornucopia of contentment when it’s viewed through the lens of thankfulness. A harvest of contentment springs from the soil of gratitude. Even the flawed fruits of harvest in our lives can be nourishing if we’ll choose gratitude, joy and contentment.

As we face the great joys and sure disappointments of the holiday season, I encourage all of us with these words from Paul, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4, NIV). Lord, even though our lives are imperfect, we pray You would give us strength to be thankful for Your faithful provision and abundance. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY: I Timothy 6:6, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (NIV) Colossians 2: 6-7, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

REFLECT AND RESPOND: Make a list of things in your life for which you are grateful. On a second piece of paper, make another list of circumstances that are currently difficult. Putting one hand on each list, pray for God’s strength in the hard places and for focus on the blessings He gives. Rejoice in a moment of contentment!

See more at: http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/a-cornucopia-of-contentment/#sthash.QmTfmlNu.dpuf

Still thankful...

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7 NIV

My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you’ve been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You’re deeply rooted in him. You’re well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you’ve been taught. School’s out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

Yes, but how?

Speak out my thanks. Act out of gratitude. Smile, laugh, express joy.

Because of peace: Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)

Bible verses of the day today and yesterday....

Gratitude - a study at breakfast

So, how does gratitude work out? According to biblegateway.com, the word thank appears 133 times in the Bible; thanks appears 100 times; 'thanks to' 76; 'thankful' 6 times - mostly in the Epistles; 'thanksgiving' 30; and 'thankfulness' 3.

Interesting that the verb 'thank' is much more common than the nouns 'thanksgiving'  and 'thankfulness'.   Why?

Could it be that, although it is good to be thankful or to have thankfulness, it is better to do thanks? Perhaps it is in the action of thanking that we become thankful and gain an attitude of thankfulness.

How can we do this? It is easy to be thankful for a present we really like, but what about those we really wish we'd never been given? Those that we deem inappropriate or useless, wanting to deliver them straight to a charity shop or jumble sale, but feel ungrateful if we do so? Can we thank God in the bad as well as the good? Do we feel ungrateful for our rejection of his present of circumstances to shape our character, as Paul says in Romans 5:
"We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient.  
This patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." (Romans 5:3 - 5)

We can, often, thank God for good coming out of bad - perhaps after the event? But thank God while we are IN the bad?

What does the Bible say? 

Over and over again, the Bible says that God is good and His love endures for ever. 

A friend of Jonny's has just written, dealing with his mother's recent brain injury from a horrific traffic accident: "I hear people say things like "God is good" when they get a pay rise or when someone they know is healed or even when they find a parking space in a busy car park. It's true then but it's also true when everything around looks terrible. God is always good. He isn't good because he meets our wants and desires or even our needs. He is ALWAYS good. I don't always understand, or even like what is happening but in all this, He has been my strength and my comfort. He has been the assurance of a better day. Maybe in this life, who knows. But if it's not in this life I know, not hope, not guess or wonder, I KNOW that one day mum will be healed and whole. There is a day coming where there is no more sadness, no more tears, no pain, no suffering. I'm believing for that day. I know I will follow Jesus into that life and my mother will too one day, because I know we both follow Jesus, I can be sure of this."

Our response: should be like David's, when he had brought the Ark of the Covenant into the tent David had set up for it: "They brought the Chest of God and placed it right in the center of the tent that David had pitched for it; then they worshiped by presenting burnt offerings and peace offerings to God. When David had completed the offerings of worship, he blessed the people in the name of God. Then he passed around to every one there, men and women alike, a loaf of bread, a slice of barbecue, and a raisin cake.

Then David assigned some of the Levites to the Chest of God to lead worship—to intercede, give thanks, and praise the God of Israel. Asaph was in charge..and from then on, as well as David, Asaph wrote many of the Psalms.

What do we notice about thanks in these psalms?
Psalm 9:1
[ Psalm 9 ] [ For the director of music. To the tune of “The Death of the Son.” A psalm of David. ] I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.

Thanking God is sincere and open: we openly share what God has done because we are so grateful.

Psalm 35:18
I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among the throngs I will praise you.

Thanking God is public: we don't do it in secret, but with many others. Thankfulness encourages thankfulness in others.

Psalm 69:30
I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Psalm 95:2
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

We can sing our thanks. Thanking God brings him glory.

Psalm 100:4
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

And we encourage each other to do this together. We thank God for each other, for this encouragement. Ephesians 1:15 - 19 says:"That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks."

Thanksgiving leads to encouragement and intercession: "But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!"Than

Thankfulness turns us to consider others' needs. It turns us to want to help. It turns us to prayer - not for ourselves, but for others.

So how do we 'remember' to thank God?

Remember WHY we thank Him, then do it!

• Study what God has done for us. Find verses in the Bible which talk about thanking God.
• Write/print these verses to go into a 'gratitude jar or box'.
• Start a gratitude journal: take time at the end of every day to find things to be thankful for: perhaps start with three things.
• Keep a notebook to jot down what you are thankful for at odd times throughout the day.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I come across mention after mention about thankfulness. One in particular, about gratitude, has inspired me. The key note: always be grateful.

I like the word grateful. It is more than thankful. Thankful is being grateful and appreciative, conscious of benefits received; grateful is 'warmly appreciative and thankful of kindness and benefits received'.

Gretchen Saffles, in her post The Mystery of Gratitude, says: "Thanksgiving is at the core of the Bible. It is an overflow of our response to the gospel. In Philippians 4:11-12, Paul explains to the church of Philippi that he had learned the secret of contentment. He had faced hunger as well as abundance, danger as well as safety, and need as well as satisfaction. Through every circumstance that he had faced, one thing remained the same – Christ’s love for Him. Paul was truly grateful. His eyes had seen the glory of Jesus through His death and resurrection on the cross and he was never the same. Paul’s secret to contentment in every situation was a heart of thanksgiving that trumped even the most dismal of circumstances.

Gratitude is a way we worship the Lord everyday. Psalm 69:30 tells us “I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving.” We make much of Christ when we give Him praise, even through suffering, trial, and need. Gratitude changes us and it also changes our vision. Instead of seeing life through the temporary sight of a human, we can see through the holy lens of the gospel. And that, my friends, is the secret. ...Gratitude shields us from bitterness, emptiness, and worthlessness. It gives us life when an illness hits us, it gives us hope when the world betrays us, and it gives us peace when our surroundings fall around us.

The mystery of gratitude is this: Christ gave up His life so that we might truly live. And that is enough to keep us singing, praising, and dancing until we get to be with Him one day! The more we sink our hearts deeply into that truth, the more the praises will keep rising and the songs keep flowing, no matter the circumstance. "

Nancy Leigh de Moss: “Thanksgiving really should be thanksliving—a way of life—day in, day out, morning, noon, and night—continually, forever giving thanks to the Lord.”

The Source of Gratitude - and a detour from Matthew...

Starting the Love God Greatly study on gratitude:

Who God Is and What He has Done

M Ps. 145:3-8 Ps. 145:8
T Dan. 2:20-23 Dan. 2:20
W Ps. 18:30-32 Ps.18:31
Th Lam. 3:21-25 Lam. 3:22-23
F Rms. 5:6-8 Rms. 5:8

Our Response

M Col. 3:1-2, 12-14 Col. 3:12
T 2 Cor. 12:9-10 2 Cor. 12:10
W Ps. 100:1-5 Ps. 100:4-5
Th Eph. 1:18-21 Eph. 1:18
F 1 Pet. 1:3-9 1 Pet. 1:8-9
So, to begin:

Psalm 145:
God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough.
There are no boundaries to his greatness.

Generation after generation stands in awe of your work;
each one tells stories of your mighty acts.

Your beauty and splendor have everyone talking;
I compose songs on your wonders.

Your marvelous doings are headline news;
I could write a book full of the details of your greatness.

The fame of your goodness spreads across the country;
your righteousness is on everyone’s lips.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

Yes - but how I realise how failing I am in thankfulness, how meagre my 'attitude of gratitude' is.  Despite trying to notice things to be thankful for every day, and grumbling far less than I used to, my heart is still not naturally overflowing.

And I want to 'write a book full of the details of your greatness'. My prayer is to open my eyes wide so that I see, really see, God's goodness:

God's grace

God's compassion

God's patience

God's love.

And God's mighty power: Job 37:5 - 6 God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’

Read this again today, elsewhere, as well!
He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’
The breath of God produces ice,
and the broad waters become frozen.
He loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.
At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.Job 37:6,11,12
Daniel, put on the spot to interpret the King's dream, is given the answer by God. His instinctive response is to take his eyes off the situation and focus on God, praising and thanking him:
' “Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all:
He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down,
he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark—light spills out of him! 

God of all my ancestors, all thanks! all praise!
You made me wise and strong. And now you’ve shown us what we asked for.
You’ve solved the king’s mystery.” '

And so Psalm 18:30 - 32 says: 

What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth.
Every God-direction is road-tested.
Everyone who runs toward him
Makes it.

Is there any god like God?
Are we not at bedrock?
Is not this the God who armed me,
then aimed me in the right direction?

So, God our rock: as Brian Doerksen sings so  beautifully in Faithful one: our rock of peace, our rock in times of trouble...in the middle of trouble, in the storm of uncertainty, his faithfulness carries us through.


He is a firm foundation, always there, always faithful, always loving:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;        Lamentations 3:21 - 25

And so we acknowledge Romans 5:8 "Yet the proof of God’s amazing love is this: that it was while we were sinners that Christ died for us." Jesus PROVED it. I just have to look to the cross to realise this.

So (thank you Colossians 3:1 - 2), let's keep focused on heaven, not on the minutiae, important as it might seem in the day to day. "So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ,act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective." It is in the day to day that we I need most help to do this.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without love."

The next few verses under the banner 'our response' stymied me at first: talking about power in weakness.  Paul talking about his 'thorn in the flesh': "At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

'My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

The NIV says: "for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties."

Whitney at Love God Greatly says: "How glorious that the imperfection of the needy leads to gratitude for the provision of a perfect Savior."

And here's the challenge: "Since gratitude is our focus, and since Jesus is the lasting Source of our gratitude, it follows that if you’ve been rescued, you too have an important story to tell.

“I can’t tell my story,” you say.

It’s too messy.

Too imperfect.

Too incomplete.

Too unresolved.

Too hard.

Too {fill in the blank}…

But wait.

Remember, the best stories aren’t the perfect ones. Listen, no one can relate with those anyway. The best stories are centered on the hope and gratitude we live out in the midst of our imperfect stories, because all of the glory is shifted away from us and back onto the real hero of our story… our perfect Savior.

If we actually lived out this kind of consistent, genuine gratitude in the middle of our imperfect mess… it might just go viral.

A woman confident and content in who she is in Christ overflows with gratitude even in the midst of her less than perfect story, allowing God’s beautiful story of redemption to continue to shine through her to the next generation.

He’s given each of us a story.

It’s up to us to decide what we’ll do with it."

Live GRATITUDE.

And so: On your feet now—applaud God!
Bring a gift of laughter, sing yourselves into his presence.

Know this: God is God, and God, God.
He made us; we didn’t make him.
We’re his people, his well-tended sheep.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving; enter with the password: “Thank you!”
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him.

For God is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever."

Respond to The Gift with a gift in return.

And it seems that everywhere I look, I am invited to respond with thankfulness. Psalm 95:1 -2 was my 'verse of the day' today: 
"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song."

And we thank God for each other, for this encouragement. Ephesians 1:15 - 19 says:"That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks."

Thanksgiving leads to encouragement and intercession: "But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!"Than

Thankfulness turns us to consider others' needs. It turns us to want to help. It turns us to prayer - not for ourselves, but for others.

And so this study on gratitude finishes with our ultimate response to God's goodness: "You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don’t see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you’ll get what you’re looking forward to: total salvation." (1 Peter 3:8 - 9, The Message)

We haven't seen God, but we love him.
We don't see him now, but we believe in him.
Because we believe in him, our future is totally secure, even after death....

Now, that is something to be thankful for.

Being thankful...

Reading a blog post on Thankfulness by Angela at Good Morning Girls.

She says: "I know life can be hard. Times are tough for so many. Uncertainty and fears grip our hearts and still our joy. But even in the midst of hard times, I believe we can always find something good in our lives to be thankful for. Sometimes, many times, thankfulness is a choice. Sometimes it’s even a fight…but a fight worth having."

Colossians 3:15 says:...and be thankful. I've not found it easy to be thankful today. I have cried out in desperation to the Lord: not for myself, but for someone dear to me. I have felt despair, depressed, downhearted, desperate, disheartened. I prayed for courage, encouragement, wholeness, healing...for Jesus' presence.

Nothing changed.

 But I know my attitude can change. I know I should be thankful. And the only way to be thankful is to BE.THANKFUL. Not to mourn over what could be, should be, was to be, isn't to be... But to BE.THANKFUL.

I'm thankful for breath. and smiles.
time to listen a while
to praise and prayer,
have something to share.

I'm thankful for life and health
and such an amount of wealth
of friends and money
and people who love me.

I'm thankful for work,
not wanting to shirk,
and just enough strength
to meet the day's length.

 I.AM.THANKFUL

Stop press for a P.S.  By the end of the day things HAD changed. There WAS more hope. More purpose. More encouragement. More sense of God's leading and love and care. THANKFUL!

What's going on?

I am in tears as I write.

A few words: 1 Tim 6:17: "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."

But it is not the words themselves that made me cry.

It is that they appeared at the bottom of a sweet little blog post from one of these women who live beautiful lives in lovely homes.

No, not jealous. Just admiring of someone with better taste than I have who lives in a part of the world which affords elegant living space.

Melissa writes of finding "the balance between enjoying and living with what we love and having so much stuff that we can’t care for or appreciate what we already have." She reminds that "God provides wonderful things in life for our enjoyment and we can find delight in living with His gifts and reminders of His own creative example....I want to embrace a beautiful life, whatever that might look like in this season of life, as a gift from God.
Amidst the trials or struggles we have faced or will undoubtedly face down the road, it is the beautiful things that should remind us that He is good, all the time.
And best of all, beautiful things we find around us now can be a glimpse of the even more beautiful life in store for us when we place our hope in Him."

She tagged her post home, imperfection but actually it is really about appreciation and thankfulness.

So why do I cry?

I cry because the day before - a few hours, in the evening before - this post arrived in my mailbox, we memorised "I will not trust in my riches, but in God who so richly provides": Andy Stanley's take on  "not to...put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us"  We're listening to a series of his on...1 Timothy 6.

And no, it is NOT the words - though I suspect they will be with me all my life, as I strive to put my trust COMPLETELY in God. My tears are in gratitude to a God who shows he loves me by taking any opportunity to talk to me - over and over again - through His Word.

Thankfulness at Christmas

I'm not often reduced to tears when I read blog posts, but I was recently. I was in my kitchen, cooking up Christmas goodies with a heavy heart. My daughter was not here to share: our Christmases have been filled with kitchen joy together for 23 years, until now when she is living half a world away. The emptiness of the kitchen further mocked me when her best friend, my 'other' daughter, came by on a brief visit back home - when I was out, so I didn't see her; and my husband is still not back at work after illness; I have not been able to count my blessings.
So I loved this honest post. I loved that Leanne shared 'uncomfortable' feelings of sadness. It is even painful to know what a wonderful gift we have been given in Jesus and yet feel sorrow at the same time: not just a personal sorrow, but a sorrow for the cruelty that awaited that baby thirty-three years later on the cross.
And so I WILL be thankful: for the gift of Jesus; for family - a loving husband and son; and for much better health for my husband.
Thank you, Leanne, for the support and the reminder.

Practising gratitude

My children are grown up and gone. Is it too late to help them increase in gratitude? These are ideas from Ann Voskamp's blog:


6 Reasons to Focus Ourselves, our Children, On Seeing Grace:

The research can only support Scriptural Truth:

1. Better Attitudes:

Children who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and their families (Froh, Sefick, Emmons, 2008).

2. Better Achieve Personal Goals:

Participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health-based) over a two-month period compared to subjects in the other experimental conditions.

3. Closer Relationships, Greater Happiness:

Professor Froh infused middle–school classes with a small dose of gratitude—and found that it made students feel more connected to their friends, family, and their school: “By the follow–up three weeks later, students who had been instructed to count their blessings showed more gratitude toward people who had helped them, which led to more gratitude in general. Expressing gratitude was not only associated with appreciating close relationships; it was also related to feeling better about life and school. Indeed, compared with students in the hassles and control groups, students who counted blessings reported greater satisfaction with school both immediately after the two–week exercise and at the three–week follow–up.”

4. Better Grades:

Gratitude in children: 6-7th graders who kept a gratitude journal for only three weeks, had an increased grade point average over the course of a year.

5. Greater Energy, Attentiveness, Enthusiasm:

A daily gratitude intervention (self-guided exercises) with young adults resulted in higher reported levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy compared to a focus on hassles or a downward social comparison (ways in which participants thought they were better off than others).

6. Greater Sensitivity:

Children who kept gratitude journals were more sensitive to situations where they themselves can be helpful, altruistic, generous, compassionate, and less destructive, more positive social behaviors, and less destructive, negative social behaviors…

“Gratitude is good for the giver, and good for the receiver,” Professor Emmons said. “This has been documented in friendships, romantic partners and spouses. One study showed that the mere expression of thanks more than doubled the likelihood that helpers would provide assistance again.”

And if We Don’t Practice Gratitude?

On the other hand, research shows that youth who are ungrateful are “less satisfied with their lives and are more apt to be aggressive and engage in risk-taking behaviors, such as early or frequent promiscuous activities, substance use, poor eating habits, physical inactivity, and poor academic performance.”

One Thousand Gifts

Something to think about...


One Thousand Gifts
A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Published by Zondervan
Available wherever books are sold

Come join the community taking the dare to LIVE FULLY
http://www.onethousandgifts.com
http://www.aholyexperience.com

And a recommendation about The Mosaic Bible on Faith Barista...