Disappointment

I've had quite a week - partly of my own making. A large part, I think. I've had - am having - the sort of week when I echo the psalmist, repeatedly, "...sin is always before me".

Or, as the Message puts it, "I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down."

Staring me down. Shaming me. Filling me with disappointment.

Because here's the thing, the dichotomy: I am a new creation in Christ, I am redeemed, I am bought with a price, I am loved, I am forgiven...and I am sinful. (No point in detailing exactly how - I'm trying not to wallow in the negatives.)

Justified but not yet sanctified.
Considered perfect and blameless - in God's sight, but not yet actually so.

And, as I read the Bible, and try to pray and follow Jesus' teachings and wisdom, I find myself ever falling short of the standard I aim for.

Perfection.

Not possible.

I need to remember that 'a miss is as good as a mile' - in other words, it doesn't matter how much I strive or how close to 'perfection' I get, I STILL DON'T MAKE IT.

Frustrated? Yes. Disappointed with myself? Definitely. Feel like a failure as a Christian? Tick. Have a sense of shame for 'letting God down'? Tick. Tick. Tick.

And as I pondered the relational mess I was in, partly from my own attitudes, partly from the accusations of others, I realised how ridiculous my thoughts and feelings were.

Frustrated - because I wasn't as good and perfect as I hoped to be. Ridiculous. "Jesus said, “Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God."

Disappointed? Well, what else do I expect? I am not even near perfect and to think otherwise is self-delusion.

Feeling like a failure? Of course, that is my natural state. All of us - including me -have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. "...we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us."

'Letting God down'?  Am I nuts? Was I ever holding him up? Does he need his reputation defending?
As the Christian rhyme artist, Propaganda, says, quoting Charles Spurgeon: "Trying to prove GOD exists is like defending a lion only He don't need the help. Just unlock the cage."

And so I recognise that I am hugely imperfect but I AM trying my best. And when the attack and difficulties come, I can step back and look more easily at what is happening without seeing it all through the lens of false guilt.

Freeing. Liberating. #gainedperspective

Because though 'my sin is always before me', Jesus has it covered, Literally and liberally, with his huge grace.

#calm #peace #Godlovesme  #Godlovesmyenemiestoo.